Some people say it is better to work for a large company than a small one. Do you agree or disagree?
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument in favour of working for large companies. Key strengths include a clear position, relevant reasons, and examples that support the main argument. However, critical areas for improvement include addressing the advantages of small companies to create a more balanced argument, enhancing the use of cohesive devices for smoother transitions, and correcting grammatical errors and incorrect word forms. Structural changes made include the addition of a sentence in the introduction to acknowledge the advantages of small companies, which improves the balance of the argument. Further improvements could involve expanding on the potential benefits of small companies in a dedicated paragraph, as well as varying sentence structures to enhance grammatical range. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective style throughout.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The essay is generally coherent, with a logical flow of ideas. However, the use of cohesive devices could be enhanced. For instance, transitions between points could be smoother, and the introduction could better outline the structure of the essay.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues and incorrect verb forms (e.g., 'I am agree', 'if someone start'). While the meaning is generally clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on grammatical accuracy and vary sentence structures.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is mostly appropriate, but there are several instances of incorrect word forms (e.g., 'more better', 'companys', 'oppotunities', 'esay', 'companie', 'these kind of benefits'). To improve, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary accurately and avoiding repetition.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The essay addresses the prompt by clearly stating a position in favor of working for large companies and provides relevant reasons and examples to support this view. However, it could be improved by acknowledging the potential advantages of small companies, which would present a more balanced argument.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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