Some people say now there is less communication between family members than in the past.

Part 2
6.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

In today's world, many people think that the family communication is decreasing compared to the past. I agree with this statement because of technology and the busy lifestyles of people nowadays. First of all, technology has made people to communicate less with their family members. In the past, people used to talk to each other face to face because there was no technology like mobile phones or the internet. ButHowever, now, people are alwaysoften on their phones or laptops even when they are at home with their family. For example, when I go to my friend's house, I see that everyone in his family is busy with their own devices, and they hardly talk to each other. Secondly, people have become very busy in their lives, and they don't have time for their family. Everyone is busyoccupied with their work or studies and they don't hav, leaving little time to sit and talk with their family members. For instance, in my family, my father goes to the office early in the morning and comes back late at night. My mother is also working, and she comes home tired. SoConsequently, we hardly get time to talk to each other. In conclusion, I believe that technology and busy lifestyles hasve reduced the communication between family members as compared to the past. People should try to spend more time with their family and communicate with each other face to face instead of usrelying on technology all the time.
DeletedOriginal textAddedCorrected text

Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the decline in family communication due to technology and busy lifestyles. Key strengths include a clear position and relevant examples that support the main ideas. However, critical areas for improvement include enhancing coherence through better transitions and reducing repetition in vocabulary. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving spelling, and refining the flow between paragraphs. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating more specific examples or statistics to strengthen the argument and varying sentence structures for greater grammatical range. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective style.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally coherent, with a logical flow of ideas. However, the use of cohesive devices could be improved. For instance, transitions between ideas could be smoother, and the conclusion could better summarize the main points. Using phrases like 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' could enhance the cohesion.
6.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors, such as 'the family communication is decreasing' (should be 'family communication') and 'has made people to communicate less' (should be 'has made people communicate less'). Improving grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures would enhance the overall quality.
6.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the topic, but there are instances of repetition, such as 'technology' and 'busy.' Additionally, there are spelling errors ('todays,' 'staement,' 'tecnology') that detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer could incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and ensure correct spelling.
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the decline in family communication due to technology and busy lifestyles. It presents a clear position and develops main ideas with relevant examples. However, the argument could be strengthened by providing more specific examples or statistics to support the claims made.
7.0

Related Writing Samples

Part 2
5.0

Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on individuals and society. To what extent do you agree?

Part 2
6.5

Whether or not someone achieves their aims is mostly a question of luck. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Part 2
8.0

We have become a disposable society, preferring to buy new products rather than fixing existing items. What are the causes of this trend and what are the possible solutions?

Part 2
5.5

The tendency that news reports in media focus on problems and emergencies rather than on positive developments is harmful for individuals and the society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Part 2
7.0

Today single-use products are still very common. Why is this? What are the problems associated with this?

Part 2
6.5

In the future, more people will choose to go on holiday in their own country and not travel abroad on holiday. Do you agree or disagree?