Some people say that computers have made life easier and more convenient. Other people say that computers have made life more complex and stressful. What is your opinion? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
The essay presents a clear opinion that computers have made life easier and more convenient, which is a key strength. The structure is generally good, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, there are critical areas for improvement, particularly in spelling, grammar, and the inclusion of a counterargument to provide a more balanced view. The structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving spelling, and adding a paragraph that addresses the opposing view, which enhances the overall argument. Further improvements could include using more sophisticated vocabulary and varied sentence structures to elevate the writing quality. The tone is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and persuasive style throughout.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The essay is generally coherent, with a logical flow of ideas. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and transitions between points could be smoother. For instance, using phrases like 'on the other hand' when discussing the opposing view would improve cohesion. Additionally, the conclusion could better summarize the main points.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('computers have make'), incorrect verb forms ('i am agree'), and inconsistent capitalization ('i' should be 'I'). While the meaning is generally clear, these errors affect the overall accuracy. To improve, the writer should proofread for grammatical correctness and practice using a wider range of sentence structures.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is mostly appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'eazy', 'effishent', 'sevral', 'essey', 'computors', 'kip', 'negativ') that detract from the overall quality. The writer does use some varied vocabulary, but more sophisticated terms could enhance the essay. To improve, the writer should focus on spelling and consider using a wider range of vocabulary.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The essay addresses the prompt by presenting a clear opinion that computers have made life easier and more convenient. However, it lacks depth in exploring the counterargument regarding complexity and stress, which could enhance the overall argument. To improve, the writer could include specific examples of how computers may complicate life, thus providing a more balanced view.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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