Some people say that due to the growing number of unfit and overweight people sport should be made compulsory in all educational establishments. Others claim that only voluntary decision to do sport helps people to be fit, but compulsory physical education embarrasses and turns away students who don't like sport. Give your opinion and support it with relevant examples.

Part 2
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

In my opininon, iI thingk that spaort should be compulsory in all educational establishments. There are several reasons for this. First of all, nowadays more and more poeople are becoming unfit and overweight. This is a big problem for sociaety, because it can lead to many health issues like heart disease, diabetes, and other problems. If sport is made compulsory in schools and universities, it will help to address this issue by encouraging students to be more active and to get regular exercizse. Secondly, makeing sport compulsory in educational establishments can also help to promote a healthier lifestyle among young people. When students are exposed to sport and physical activity at an early age, they are more likely to develop good habits that will stay with them throuhghout their lives. This can have a positive impact on their overall health and well-being in the long term. However, some people argue that making sport compulsory can embarrass and turn away students who don't like sport. They say that only a voluntary decision to do sport helps people to be fit. While iI understand this perspective, I believe that the benefits of compulsory sport outweigh the potential drawbacks. Even if some students don't enjoy sport, it is still important for them to get regular exercise and to learn about the importance of physical activity. In conclusions, iI strongly believe that sport should be made compulsory in all educational establishments. This will help to address the growing problem of unfitness and obesity, and it will also promote a healthier lifestyle among young poeople. While some students may not enjoy sport, the benefits of regular exercise and physical activity are too important to ignore.
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Expert Feedback

The essay presents a clear opinion that sport should be compulsory in educational establishments, supported by relevant reasons such as health issues and the promotion of a healthier lifestyle. The structure is logical, with distinct paragraphs for each main point. However, the development of ideas could be more thorough, and the counterargument could be better integrated into the overall argument. Key strengths of the essay include a clear stance on the topic and relevant supporting details. Critical areas for improvement involve addressing spelling and grammatical errors, which detracted from the overall quality. The use of cohesive devices could enhance the flow between ideas. Structural changes made include correcting spelling errors, improving grammatical accuracy, and ensuring proper paragraph structure. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include expanding on the counterargument and providing more specific examples to strengthen the argument. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and persuasive style.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific point. However, the transitions between ideas could be improved for better flow. For instance, using more cohesive devices to link sentences and paragraphs would enhance clarity. Phrases like 'on the other hand' or 'furthermore' could be employed to better connect contrasting ideas.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues and awkward phrasing (e.g., 'i thing that spart should be compulsory'). While the writer demonstrates some range in sentence structures, the errors affect clarity and accuracy. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical mistakes and practicing more complex sentence structures.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'opininon', 'nowdays', 'sociaty', 'adress', 'makeing', 'yong', 'trougth', 'conclusions', 'beleve', 'poeple') that detract from the overall quality. While some attempts at varied vocabulary are present, the frequent errors limit the effectiveness of the lexical resource. To improve, the writer should proofread for spelling and consider using a wider range of synonyms.
5.5
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by presenting a clear opinion that sport should be compulsory in educational establishments. It provides relevant reasons and examples to support this viewpoint, such as the health issues related to unfitness and the promotion of a healthier lifestyle. However, the development of ideas could be more thorough, and the counterargument could be more effectively integrated into the overall argument.
6.5

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