Some people say that history is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today's world, subjects like science and technology are more important than history. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Part 2
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

Nowadays, many people think that school subject is not sames are not equally important. Some believe history is the most importsignificant subject in school, but others thinks science and technology isare more important than history in the modern world. In this essay i, I will discuss about both sides of view and i will tellthe argument and present my opinion. In On the one hand, history subject learningstudying history teaches us about past events and how human civilization ihas developed. It also helps us to understanding the current world better because many thing in today world isaspects of today’s society are related to historyical events. For example, many country borders and conflict is because ofs arise from historyical reasons. If we don not study history, we cannot understanding why this happen. Besides thatese situations occur. Furthermore, history also teach uimparts important lesson so we cans, allowing us to avoid making the same mistake likes as in the past. On the other hands, many people thinkargue that science and technology subject isare more important in the current era. This is because science and technology is play big parta significant role in our daily lifeves. Almost everything we use now is related to science and technology like, such as smartphones, computers, transportation, and many more. SAdditionally, science and technology also importantre crucial for a country's development because ithey can make many thingprocesses more efficient and solve pressing problems. For example, witinstance, through science and technology, we can find cures for diseases, makedevelop renewable energy sources, and reduce pollution. In my opinion, i think both history and science and technology isare equally important. We cannot focus on only one subject and ignore the other. History subject give usThe study of history provides us with knowledge about the past and helps us understanding today’s world, while science and technology subject prepare us for the future and helpassist us in solveing current problems. Schools should balance between thisstrive to balance these two subjects so that students can learn from both and havacquire the knowledge to lnecessary to thrive in today’s era. In conclusion, while some people thinkbelieve history is the most important school subject but, other thinks argue that science and technology is more importanthold greater significance. In my opinionview, both subjects have their own importantvital roles, and schools must teach a balance between two subjecthe two. With knowledge from both subjectareas, students can better understanding the world better and prepare for the future.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the task by discussing both views on the importance of history versus science and technology, and it presents a clear opinion that both subjects are equally important. Key strengths include a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, critical areas for improvement include enhancing the development of ideas with more specific examples and clearer explanations, as well as improving grammatical accuracy and lexical variety. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving coherence with better transitions, and enhancing vocabulary. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary and varied expressions, as well as providing more detailed examples to support the arguments. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, phrases like 'on the one hand' and 'on the other hand' are used, but more varied linking words could enhance the flow of the essay.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ('other thinks' should be 'others think') and incorrect verb forms ('is relate' should be 'is related'). There are also issues with sentence structure and punctuation. While the meaning is generally clear, improving grammatical accuracy and using a wider range of sentence structures would enhance the score.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition and awkward phrasing, such as 'subject is not same important' and 'learning us about past event.' More sophisticated vocabulary and varied expressions could improve the overall quality. For example, using 'significant' instead of 'important' or 'historical events' instead of 'past event' would enhance lexical variety.
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing both views on the importance of history versus science and technology. It presents a clear opinion that both subjects are equally important. However, the development of ideas could be improved with more specific examples and clearer explanations. For instance, elaborating on how historical knowledge directly impacts understanding current events would strengthen the argument.
6.5

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