Some people say that in the modern world getting old is a bad thing. Other people think life for the elderly people nowadays is much better than it was in the past. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Part 1 (General)
7.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

Nowadays, differnent people have got differentvarying views about lifethe lives of oeld people in modern world. Some people think lifeerly individuals in the modern world. Some believe that the lives of older people isare not good these days, while other say elderly peoples argue that they have a better quality of life compared to the past. I think both views have merit. On one hand, many people think that elderly peopleindividuals are not having a good time in today's world. They sayargue that older people areoften feel lonely and isolated. B because young people are busy with their lives and don' not have time to take care of their elders. Moreover, healthcare is very expensive these days, and many oeld peopleerly individuals can'not afford proper medical treatment. They often have to rely on government support, which is often not enough. Thisfrequently insufficient. This situation makes life difficult for them. On the other hand, some people believe that life for oeld peopleerly individuals is much better now than it was in the past. They point out that medical science has advanced a lot. Andsignificantly, allowing older people canto live longer and healthier lives. In addition, there are many retirement homes and communities where elderly peopleindividuals can socialise and enjoy their golden years. GThe government also provides pensions and other benefits to support them financially. In my opinion, I think that both views are valid to some extent. While it is true that some oeld people face problemerly individuals face challenges in modern society, overall their quality of life has improved compared to the past. With better healthcare, financial support, and social opportunities, many elderly peopleindividuals are able to lead happy and fulfilling lives. However, it is important for society to continue to support and care for its elderly population. In conclusion, there are arguments on both sides of this issue. Some people think that old age is problematic in today's world, while others believe that elderly peopleindividuals have a better life now. I believe that while challenges remain, overall the lives of oeld peopleerly individuals have improved in modern times.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the task by discussing both views regarding the life of elderly people in the modern world and provides a personal opinion. Key strengths include a clear structure and relevant content. However, critical areas for improvement include enhancing the clarity of the introduction and conclusion, as well as improving grammatical accuracy and vocabulary variety. Structural changes made include refining the introduction for clarity and ensuring smoother transitions between paragraphs. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include varying the vocabulary used for 'old people' and 'elderly people' to avoid repetition and proofreading for minor grammatical errors. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally coherent, with a logical flow of ideas. However, some transitions between points could be smoother. For example, the transition from discussing the negative aspects to the positive aspects of elderly life could be more clearly marked. Using more cohesive devices would enhance the overall clarity.
7.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors, such as 'differnet' instead of 'different' and 'compare to' instead of 'compared to.' These errors affect the overall clarity. To improve, the writer should proofread for spelling and grammatical accuracy.
6.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the topic, with some good expressions like 'golden years' and 'medical science has advanced.' However, there are some repetitive phrases, such as 'old people' and 'elderly people,' which could be varied. To improve, the writer could incorporate synonyms or more sophisticated vocabulary.
7.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing both views regarding the life of elderly people in the modern world and provides a personal opinion. However, the introduction could be clearer, and the conclusion could summarize the main points more effectively. To improve, the writer could explicitly state the main arguments for each view in the introduction.
7.5

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