Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Part 2
7.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

I am agree that music is a good way to bring together people ofrom different cultures and ages. Music is a universal language that everyone can understand and enjoy, no matter what their background or age is. One reason why music brings people together is that it allows them to share their emotions and experiences. When people listen to music, they can relate to the lyrics and melody, even if they come from different cultures or generations. For example, a song about love or heartbreak can resonate with peopleindividuals from all over the world, regardless of their age or nationality. This shared emotional connection helps to create a sense of unity and understanding between people. Another reason is that music often celebrates diversity and encourages peopleindividuals to learn about other cultures. Many musical genres, such as world music or fusion, incorporate elements from differentvarious cultures and traditions. By listening to these types of music, people can gain exposure to new sounds, rhythms, and instruments from around the globe. This can help to foster curiosity, respect, and appreciation for other cultures, which can lead to greater understanding and harmony between people. Furthermore, music events and festivals often bring together peopleindividuals from diverse backgrounds who share a common love of music. At these events, peopleattendees can meet others who enjoy the same type of music, regardless of their age or culture. This can create opportunities for people to connect, socialize, and form new friendships based on their shared interests. While music is a powerful tool for connection, it is also important to acknowledge that not everyone may resonate with the same genres or styles, which can sometimes create divides. In conclusion, I strongly agree that music is a powerful tool for bringing people of different cultures and ages together. Through its ability to evoke shared emotions, celebrate diversity, and create social connections, music can help to build bridges and promote understanding between people from all walks of life.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents relevant arguments supported by examples, demonstrating a clear understanding of the topic. Key strengths include a well-organized structure and a coherent flow of ideas, with appropriate use of cohesive devices. However, there are critical areas for improvement, such as correcting grammatical errors and enhancing lexical variety to avoid repetition. Structural changes made include correcting 'I am agree' to 'I agree' and adding a counterargument to acknowledge potential limitations of music as a unifying force. Further improvements could involve varying the vocabulary used to describe cultural diversity and exploring additional perspectives on the topic. The tone of the essay is appropriate, maintaining a formal and persuasive style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is well-organized, with a clear progression of ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific point, and the use of cohesive devices (e.g., 'for example,' 'another reason,' 'furthermore') enhances the flow of the writing. To achieve a higher score, the author could vary the use of cohesive devices and ensure that transitions between ideas are even smoother.
8.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures, but there are some errors that affect clarity, such as 'I am agree' and 'good way' (should be 'a good way'). While the overall meaning is clear, these mistakes detract from the overall accuracy. To improve, the author should focus on proofreading for grammatical errors and ensuring subject-verb agreement.
7.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate and varied, with phrases like 'universal language,' 'shared emotional connection,' and 'foster curiosity.' However, there are some repetitive phrases, such as 'people of different cultures and ages,' which could be replaced with synonyms or rephrased for greater variety. Additionally, minor errors like 'I am agree' should be corrected to 'I agree' to enhance accuracy.
7.5
Task Achievement
The essay effectively addresses the prompt by clearly stating the author's agreement with the idea that music brings people together across cultures and ages. It presents relevant arguments supported by examples, such as the emotional connection through lyrics and the celebration of diversity in musical genres. To improve further, the author could include a counterargument or acknowledge potential limitations to strengthen the overall argument.
8.0

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