Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Part 2
7.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

In today's world, there is a big discussion about how we can make people more healthyier. While some people think building more sport placs facilities is the answer, others believe we need different solutions. I think both ideas have good points, but maybe we need to combine them for the best results. Many people say that if we build more sports facilities, public health will get betterimprove automatically. When I look at my city, I can see this is true sometimes. BecauseFor example, when they built a new swimming pool near my house last year, many of my neighbours started going there regularly. Alsodditionally, when people see sports placfacilities everywhere, they feel like they shouldencouraged to use them. This makes them do more exercise more, which is goodbeneficial for their health. However, other people think that just building sports placfacilities is not enough to improve health of publicpublic health. I agree with this view too. In my experience, many people don't use sports facilities even when they are available, because they are too busy or don't know how to exercise properly. For examplinstance, my friend has a gym near his house but never goes there because he works very long hours. AlsoFurthermore, some people need more education about a healthy lifestyle, not just places to exercise. From my point of view, we need both approaches to makenhance public health better. First, we should build more sports facilities so people have places to exercise. But atAt the same time, we need to teach people about the importance of healthy living and givprovide them with knowledge on how to use these facilities. Maybe effectively. Perhaps we can also make working hours more flexible so people have time to exercise.ngage in physical activity. To conclude, while increasing sports facilities is an important step fortowards improving public health, it cannot work alone. We need to combine it with education and other measures to help people live moreead healthyier lives. Only then we can we see real improvements in the health of our society.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates several strengths, including a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The writer effectively addresses both views on improving public health and presents a balanced opinion that combines both approaches. However, there are critical areas for improvement, particularly in the development of ideas and the use of more varied vocabulary and grammatical structures. The essay could benefit from more specific examples, such as statistics or studies, to strengthen the arguments presented. Additionally, the use of linking phrases could be enhanced to improve the flow between ideas. The tone is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout. Overall, the essay is well-organized but would benefit from deeper exploration of the arguments and more sophisticated language use.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Ideas are logically sequenced, and cohesive devices are used appropriately. However, some transitions could be smoother, and the use of linking phrases could be varied to enhance the flow. For example, using phrases like 'on the other hand' or 'furthermore' could improve cohesion.
7.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors and awkward constructions, such as 'this make them do more exercise' (should be 'this makes them exercise more') and 'at same time' (should be 'at the same time'). These errors affect clarity and accuracy, but the overall meaning is still conveyed effectively.
6.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate and conveys the intended meaning. There are some instances of repetition, such as 'sports facilities' and 'exercise,' which could be varied with synonyms or paraphrasing. Additionally, the use of more sophisticated vocabulary could elevate the writing, such as 'physical activity' instead of 'exercise' or 'recreational facilities' instead of 'sports places.'
7.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing both views on improving public health and presents a clear opinion that combines both approaches. However, the development of ideas could be enhanced with more specific examples and a deeper exploration of the arguments. For instance, including statistics or studies on the impact of sports facilities on health could strengthen the argument.
7.5

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