Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Part 2
7.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

These days, many people are talking about different environmental problems that we face. While some think species extinction is the most dangerous problem, others believe different issues need more attention. I think both views have valid points, but species loss might be a bigger threat for our future. First of all, people who worry about animals and plants disappearing have good reasons for this concern. When I was studying biology in school, my teacher always told us that every species has an important role in nature. LikFor instance, if bees wouldere to disappear, many plants cannot makwould not be able to produce fruits anymore. Alsodditionally, I have read that when one species is gone, it affects many others in the food chain. This makes me think that losing species is very serious because we cannot bring them back after they are gone forever. On the other hand, there are people who think problems like climate change and pollution are more important to solve. I can understand their point because these issues affect everything on Earth, not just a few species. For example, in my city, air pollution is very bad, and many people get sick from it. AlsoFurthermore, when temperatures get higher because ofrise due to climate change, it creates many problems for humans like, such as floods and storms. These problems affect our daily lifeves more directly than species extinction. However, after thinking aboutconsidering both sides, I believe species extinction is actually the biggest threat because it cannot be reversed. While we can clean pollution and maybeperhaps stop climate change if we try hard, we cannot create new species if they disappear. I remember reading about passenger pigeons that were once everywhere in America before, but now they are gone forever. This makes me very worried about the future of our planet. In conclusion, although there are many serious environmental problems we need to deal with, I think species extinction deserves the most attention because once animals and plants are gone, we cannot get them back. We should try to protect all species while also working on other environmental issues.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the task prompt by discussing both views on environmental problems and providing a clear personal opinion. Key strengths include relevant arguments supported by examples, such as the role of bees in pollination and the impact of climate change. However, critical areas for improvement include enhancing the development of ideas with more specific examples and a deeper exploration of the implications of species extinction. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving transitions, and ensuring proper paragraph structure. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating a wider range of synonyms and more sophisticated vocabulary to enhance lexical variety. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Ideas are logically sequenced, and cohesive devices are used appropriately, such as 'first of all' and 'on the other hand.' However, some transitions could be smoother, and the overall flow could be improved by varying the use of cohesive devices.
7.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors and awkward constructions, such as 'biggest threat' instead of 'the biggest threat' and 'if bees would disappear' instead of 'if bees were to disappear.' While these errors do not significantly impede understanding, they detract from the overall accuracy and fluency of the writing.
6.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the topic, with some effective phrases like 'species extinction' and 'food chain.' However, there are instances of repetition, such as the use of 'species' and 'problems.' To improve, the writer could incorporate a wider range of synonyms and more sophisticated vocabulary to enhance the overall lexical variety.
7.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task prompt effectively by discussing both views on environmental problems and providing a clear personal opinion. The arguments presented are relevant and supported by examples, such as the role of bees in pollination and the impact of climate change. However, the development of ideas could be enhanced with more specific examples and a deeper exploration of the implications of species extinction.
7.5

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