Some people say that the only way to spend a holiday is to go abroad to another country. Others say that there are many good holiday destinations in their own country. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Part 1 (Academic)
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

Some people believes that going to other place traveling abroad is the only way to spend holidays. I think that it has some advantages, but also disadvantage toos. There are many ways to enjoy holidays in one's own country also. Going to abroads well. Traveling to a foreign country can be excitementing and adventurous. We can sexperience new cultures, try different foods, and meet foreigner people. It gives uspeople from other countries. It provides us with new experiences and memories. For example, last year I gowent to Thailand for my holiday. I tryied many Thai fooddishes like Pad Thai and Tom Yum Soup. I also visited many beautiful temples and beaches. It was a very enjoyfulable and memorable trip for me. However, gotraveling to abroad place also haves some drawbacks. Firstly, it can be very costly. We need to pay for flight tickets, hotels, and other expenses. Secondly, it can be very tiring because ofdue to long flights and time differences. Lastly, we may face language barriers and communication problems in foreign placecountries. On the other hand, there are many goodwonderful places to visit in our own countries alsos well. We can go to hill stations, beaches, or historical placsites. For example, in my country, India, there are many beautiful hill stations like Shimla, Manali, and Darjeeling. We can also visit many historical monuments like the Taj Mahal and the Red Fort. These places are very beautiful and enjoyable. In conclusion, I believe that both going totraveling abroad and exploring one's own country have their own benefits and drawbacks. It depends on a person's preferences and budget. Personally, I like to mix both and enjoy my holidays in different ways.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task by discussing both perspectives on holiday destinations and providing a personal opinion. Key strengths include the inclusion of personal experiences and examples, which add depth to the argument. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, coherence, and vocabulary variety. The structure has been adjusted to ensure clearer topic sentences and smoother transitions between paragraphs, enhancing the overall flow. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include expanding on specific examples and providing more detailed comparisons between the advantages and disadvantages of both options. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and reflective style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical flow, but the organization could be improved. Some ideas are presented in a somewhat disjointed manner, making it harder to follow. Using clearer topic sentences and linking phrases would enhance coherence. For example, transitioning more smoothly between the advantages and disadvantages of traveling abroad would improve clarity.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement ('Some people believes'), incorrect verb forms ('I go to Thailand' should be 'I went to Thailand'), and awkward constructions. While the meaning is generally clear, improving grammatical accuracy and using a wider range of sentence structures would enhance the overall quality.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition and awkward phrasing, such as 'going to other place in abroad' and 'foreigner people.' More varied and precise vocabulary could enhance the essay. For example, instead of 'going to abroad country,' one could say 'traveling internationally.'
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing both views on holiday destinations and provides a personal opinion. However, the argument could be more developed with clearer examples and a more structured approach. For instance, the advantages and disadvantages of both perspectives could be more distinctly separated and elaborated upon.
6.5

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