Some people think most crimes are the result of circumstances like poverty and other social problems. Others believe that they are caused by people who are bad in nature. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Part 2
4.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

On one hand i, I think crimes is caused by circumstances becauzse people who isare poor and havinge social problems have a hard time to makemaking a living. They sometimes have to steal food and other things to survive. Alsodditionally, if people isare suffering from mentaly problem health issues, they can docommit crimes without realising it because they are sickunwell. Poverty and mental sickillness can makelead people dto commit crimes even if they are not bad people in nature. Iinherently bad individuals. On the other hand, there are many criminals who hasve good living conditions but still docommit crimes. They are greedy and selfish so they, wanting to take from others even if it is wrong. I thinkbelieve this type of criminal haves bad personalitis,es; they like toenjoy hurting others and have no siympathy for anyone. They are bad people inby nature that, which is why they docommit crimes even when they are not poor. In my opinion, both circumstances and personal nature isare important reasons for crime. Poor people can sometimes be forced into crime to survive, but many other dos commit crimes out of greediness and cruelty. I think the government should help poor people and mentally illindividuals and those with mental health issues so they don not have to do crime, but for bad peopleresort to crime. However, for those who are inherently bad, the law should be strict to stopprevent them from harming society.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the task by discussing both views on the causes of crime and presenting a personal opinion. Key strengths include the identification of two main causes of crime: circumstances and personal nature. However, critical areas for improvement include the need for more detailed examples to support the arguments, as well as addressing grammatical errors and spelling mistakes that detract from clarity. Structural changes made include correcting subject-verb agreement and improving coherence through better phrasing and transitions. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include expanding vocabulary and using more sophisticated expressions. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and analytical style.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is occasionally disrupted by awkward phrasing and grammatical errors. To enhance coherence, the writer could use more cohesive devices to link ideas smoothly, such as 'Furthermore' or 'In addition'.
5.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues (e.g., 'crimes is', 'people is', 'criminals who has'), incorrect verb forms, and awkward sentence structures. These errors hinder clarity and accuracy. To improve, the writer should practice using correct grammatical structures and ensure subject-verb agreement throughout their writing.
4.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'becauz', 'mentaly', 'simpathy', 'goverment') that detract from the overall quality. The writer uses some relevant terms related to the topic, but the range is limited. To improve, the writer should focus on using correct spelling and expanding their vocabulary to include more sophisticated expressions.
4.5
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing both views on the causes of crime and presents a personal opinion. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited, and the arguments could be more thoroughly elaborated with specific examples. For improvement, the writer could provide more detailed examples of how poverty leads to crime and how personal nature influences criminal behavior.
5.0

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