Some people think sports games are important for society while others believe they should be taken as a leisure activity. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Part 2
4.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

Sports games has bive been a topic of many discussion for a long time. There isare two opininons about it,: some think thisese games are important to socaity and also others takeiety, while others view them as laeisure activities. I will analasisyse both views and thaen give my perspaective. On one hand, sports are a very important part inof sociaety. It isThey are usefull for health and also build chariactaer. When people play sports, they learn about teamwork and leadership, which are key skills in life. For example, in football, players nieed to working together to score gol, disals, which teaches cooperate. Alsoion. Additionally, sport is encourage fitness and an active lifestyle, which helps redusce obaesity and other health ishsues. GovarmiThe government also supports sports to promote healthy people andindividuals and a healthy nation. However, other peoples beliefve sports should be just a hobby or a free-time activity. They argue that sports take too much time away from other important things like work, study, and family. Some athletes spend many hours training, which leaves smalllittle time for anything aelse. This can naegatively affect their paerformance in school or jobat work. Moreover, too much focus on sports can lead to injuryies and health problems spesa, especially for professional players. In my view, iI believe a balanced approach is best. Sports defainitely hasve many benefits for individulals and society, as iI maentioned before. But itHowever, they should not be the only priority in life. People need to spend time on educat andion, career also, family, and freiends to live a well-rounded life. If someone wants to take sports sieriously, dthey need to carefully plan their schedule and make ensure dathey still attend to odather responsaibilities. With good time management, sports can be a valuable part of life without compromising odather aspects. In conclusion, playing sports has both advantages and disadvtgantages depaending on how it is approached. There is no doubt dthat it contributes positvively to fphysical and mental well-being and teaches impotertant life skills. But like everything else, too much of it can be harmfull, so moderation is key to gaining thet most baenefits and maintaining a balanced life.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic and presents both sides of the argument, along with a personal opinion. Key strengths include the clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, as well as the attempt to provide examples to support the arguments. However, critical areas for improvement include addressing numerous spelling and grammatical errors that hinder clarity. The vocabulary used is quite basic, and there is a need for a wider range of vocabulary and correct spelling to enhance sophistication. Additionally, the flow of ideas could be improved with better use of cohesive devices and linking words. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving spelling, and enhancing coherence by refining transitions between ideas. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating more specific examples and varying sentence structures to demonstrate a higher level of grammatical range. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is sometimes disrupted by awkward phrasing and grammatical errors. The use of cohesive devices is present but could be more varied and effective. To enhance coherence, the writer should ensure that each paragraph logically follows from the previous one and use linking words more effectively.
5.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues and incorrect verb forms (e.g., 'has bin', 'shuld', 'dey'). These errors significantly impact the overall clarity of the writing. While there are attempts at complex sentences, the frequent mistakes suggest a need for improvement in grammatical accuracy. To enhance this score, the writer should focus on proofreading for errors and practicing more complex sentence structures.
4.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is quite basic and contains several spelling errors (e.g., 'socaity', 'laisure', 'analasis'). While some relevant terms are used, the overall range is limited, and there is repetition of certain words (e.g., 'sport', 'important'). To improve, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and ensure correct spelling to enhance clarity and sophistication.
4.5
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing both views on the importance of sports games in society and providing a personal opinion. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited, and there are several spelling and grammatical errors that detract from clarity. To improve, the writer should focus on clearer articulation of ideas and provide more specific examples to support their arguments.
5.0

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