Some people think that a huge amount of time and money is spent on the protection of wild animals, and that this money could be better spent on the human population. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Part 2
7.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

Nowadays, there are many people who believe that it is better to spend money foron the human population rather than for the protection of wild animals. I agree to some extent with this opinion, but I also think that we should continue spending money and time to protect wild animals too. On the one hand, I can understand why some people may think that we should spend more money to help humans instead of animals. There are many problems in society today, such as poverty, hunger, and unemployment. These issues directly affect people's lives and well-being. By investing more resources into solving these problems, we can improve the quality of life for many peopleindividuals. Additionally, some might argue that humans should be prioritized over animals because we are more intelligent and have greater potential to contribute to society. On the other hand, I believe that protecting wild animals is also very important and should not be neglected. Firstly, animals are a crucial part of our ecosystem and play a vital role in maintaining the balance of nature. If certain species become extinct, it could have serious consequences for the environment and even for humans. Secondly, I think that we have a moral obligation to protect animals and ensure their survival. They are living beings just like us and deserve to be treated with respect and compassion. Finally, many wild animals are facing extinction due to human activities such as poaching, habitat destruction, and climate change. It is our responsibility to take action and prevent this from happening. In conclusion, while I agree that we should prioritize spending money on issues that directly affect human populations, I do not think that this should come at the expense of protecting wild animals. We need to find a balance and allocate resources to both causes. By doing so, we can create a better world for both humans and animals alike.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the prompt, presenting a balanced view on the importance of spending money on both human welfare and wildlife protection. Key strengths include a clear position and relevant reasoning that supports the argument. However, critical areas for improvement include enhancing the development of ideas with more specific examples and improving grammatical accuracy, as several errors were present. Structural changes made include correcting spelling errors, ensuring grammatical accuracy, and enhancing transitions between ideas. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating more varied vocabulary to avoid repetition and providing specific examples or data to strengthen the argument. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized, with a logical progression of ideas. The use of cohesive devices is appropriate, but there are moments where transitions could be smoother. For instance, phrases like 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' are used effectively, but additional linking phrases could improve the flow between paragraphs.
7.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors, such as 'problem' instead of 'problems' and 'should be prioritize' instead of 'should be prioritized.' These errors affect clarity and accuracy. While the overall meaning is clear, improving grammatical accuracy would enhance the overall quality of the writing.
6.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate and varied, with terms like 'ecosystem,' 'extinction,' and 'moral obligation' demonstrating a good range. However, there are some repetitive phrases, such as 'spend money' and 'protect wild animals,' which could be replaced with synonyms or rephrased for greater variety. Additionally, there is a spelling error ('belive' should be 'believe') that detracts from the overall quality.
7.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt effectively, presenting a clear position that acknowledges both sides of the argument. The writer provides relevant examples and reasoning to support their views. However, the development of ideas could be enhanced with more specific examples or data to strengthen the argument further.
7.5

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