Some people think that advertisements have positive effects on our lives, while others believe they are harmful to society. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Part 2
7.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

In the modern world, advertisements are everywhere we look at. From the moment I wake up until I go to sleep, I see many different advertisements on my phone, on the streets, and in shops. While some people think advertisements help us, other people say they make bads argue that they have negative effects on society. I agree with both opinions, but I thinkbelieve advertisements have more negative impacts than goodpositive ones. F The first thpoingt I want to talk aboutdiscuss is why advertisements can be helpful for people. When I need to buy something, advertisements show me what products are available in the market. For example, last month I wanted to buy a new phone, and because of advertisements, I learned about different phones and their features. Alsodditionally, advertisements help companies tell peopleinform consumers about their products, which makescan improve the economy better and creates more jobs for people. However, I strongly believe advertisements also create problems in society. One bsig problemnificant issue is that they makencourage people to buy things they don't really need. Many times, I boughthave purchased something because the advertisement made it look very goodappealing, but later I understoorealised I didn't need this thingat item. Another problem I seeconcern is that advertisements sometimes don't tell not convey the truth about products. They show only good things but highlight only the positive aspects whidle bad thingconcealing the negatives, which is unot fair forto customers who spend their money. Moreover, I think advertisements have bada detrimental effect on young people. When my little sister watches videos on the internet, she always wants to buy the toys she sees in advertisements. This makes children wantcreates a desire for more and more thingitems, and parents often have a difficult time explaining why they cannot buy everything. AlsoFurthermore, some advertisements showportray perfect bodies or expensivean extravagant lifestyle, which makescan lead young people to feel badinadequate about themselves. In conclusion, while advertisements support thelp economy and givprovide information about products, I believe they create more problems than benefits. They make people buyencourage unnecessary thingpurchases and sometimes show wropresent misleading information. I think governments should make more strict rules aboutimplement stricter regulations regarding advertisements, especially ones thatthose targeting young peopleaudiences.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates several strengths, including a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The writer effectively addresses both sides of the argument and provides relevant personal examples to support their points. However, there are critical areas for improvement, particularly in grammatical accuracy and the variety of vocabulary used. The corrected version includes necessary grammatical adjustments, such as 'I go to sleep' and 'I wanted to buy a new phone,' which enhance clarity. Additionally, synonyms and varied expressions were introduced to reduce repetition. Further improvements could include a deeper exploration of the positive effects of advertisements and more specific examples to strengthen the arguments. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout. Overall, the essay is well-organized and presents a coherent argument, but attention to detail in grammar and vocabulary could elevate its quality significantly.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Ideas are logically sequenced, and cohesive devices are used appropriately. However, some transitions between ideas could be smoother, and the use of linking phrases could be more varied to enhance the flow of the essay.
7.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors, such as 'I go sleep' (should be 'I go to sleep') and 'I wanted buy new phone' (should be 'I wanted to buy a new phone'). These errors affect clarity and accuracy. More complex sentence structures could also be employed to demonstrate a higher level of grammatical range.
6.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the topic, with some effective expressions such as 'bad effects' and 'strict rules.' However, there is some repetition of phrases like 'advertisements' and 'buy,' which could be improved by using synonyms or varied expressions. Expanding the range of vocabulary would enhance the overall quality.
7.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing both views on advertisements and providing a clear opinion. It presents relevant examples to support the arguments, such as personal experiences and societal impacts. However, the development of ideas could be enhanced with more specific examples and a deeper exploration of the positive effects of advertisements.
7.5

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