Some people think that all university students should study whatever they like. Others believe that they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Part 2
7.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

In modern times, there is biga significant discussion about what students need to study at university. While some people think students must choose what they want, others sayargue that only subjects like science are important for the future. I will discuss both sides and share what I think aboutmy perspective on this issue. On one hand, when students study what they like, they feel more happyier and doperform better in school. I remember when I was choosing my course,; I wanted to study literature because I love reading books very much. My friends who study things they enjoy always getpursue subjects they enjoy consistently achieve good marks and participate more in class activities. Alsodditionally, when people doengage in what they havare passion forate about, they work harder and make good achieveachieve significant accomplishments in their lifeves. However, other people says contend that we need more students in science and technology fields because the world is changing fast. They thinkrapidly. They believe that subjects like art or history don't help much in find not contribute much to securing a good job. For example, many companies now wantseek workers who knoware knowledgeable about computers and programming, so students with these skills can find work more easily. AlsoFurthermore, these subjects help the country develop better technology and become more strstrengthen its positiong in the global economy. In my opinion, I think both views have good pointsmerit, but students should have the freedom to choose their studyies. Even though science is very important, we also need peopleindividuals who understand culture, art, and society. If everyone studyies only technology, who will write books, makcreate music, or teach about history? I believe that when people dopursue what they love, they can still helpcontribute to society in differentvarious ways. To conclude, while focusing on science and technology has benefits for the future, I think students should be able to study subjects they are genuinely interested in. This way, they can be successful and make goodvaluable contributions to society in their own specialunique ways.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates several strengths, including a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The writer effectively presents both sides of the argument and articulates a personal opinion, which is essential for Task Achievement. However, there are critical areas for improvement, particularly in grammatical accuracy and the use of cohesive devices. The essay contains several grammatical errors and awkward phrases that detract from clarity, such as 'world is changing fast' and 'more easy.' Additionally, the vocabulary could be enhanced by reducing repetition and incorporating a wider range of synonyms. Structural changes made include refining sentences for grammatical accuracy and improving transitions between ideas. For instance, 'On one hand' was followed by 'On the other hand' to create a clearer contrast between the two viewpoints. For further improvements, the writer could include more specific examples to illustrate points, such as discussing unexpected career paths stemming from non-science subjects. Additionally, varying the vocabulary further and using more sophisticated expressions would elevate the overall quality of the writing. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout the discussion.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Ideas are logically sequenced, but the use of cohesive devices could be improved. For example, using more varied linking phrases could enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
7.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors and awkward constructions, such as 'world is changing fast' (should be 'the world is changing rapidly') and 'more easy' (should be 'more easily'). These errors affect clarity and accuracy, but the overall message remains understandable.
6.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate and conveys the intended meaning, with some good expressions such as 'global economy' and 'passion for.' However, there are instances of repetition, such as the word 'study' and 'subjects.' Incorporating a wider range of synonyms and more sophisticated vocabulary would elevate the writing.
7.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing both views regarding university study choices and presents a clear personal opinion. However, it could benefit from more specific examples and a deeper exploration of the implications of each viewpoint. For instance, discussing how certain subjects can lead to unexpected career paths could strengthen the argument.
7.5

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