Some people think that competitive sports have a positive effect on the education of teenagers while others argue that the effect is negative. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Part 2
7.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

In today's world, there are different opinions about how competitive sports affect teenagers' education. While some people believe it helps students develop better, others think it can makcreate problems for their studies. I will discuss both sides and share what I think aboutmy perspective on this topic. On one side, competitive sports can bring many good thingbenefits to teenagers' education. When I was in high school, I saw how my friends who played in school teams learned to manage their time better because they needed to dobalance both study and practice. They also learned important things like working together with team members and trying hard toskills such as teamwork and perseverance in reaching their goals. These skills helped them not just in sports but also in their studieacademic pursuits, and I thinkbelieve this made them better students. However overall. Conversely, other people sayargue that competitive sports can make problemcreate challenges for education. Sometimes students spend too muchexcessive time practicing and playing games, and thiswhich means they don't have enough time to study or docomplete homework. For example, my cousin, who played football, had to miss many classes because ofdue to competitions, and his grades became not so good. Alsoresulting in a decline in his grades. Additionally, if students getsustain injuredies during sports, they might need to stay at home and miss school., further impacting their education. In my opinion, I think competitive sports can be goodbeneficial for education if we find the right balance. When schools make goodcreate effective schedules that givallocate time for both sports and studies, students can getreap the benefits ofrom both. I believe sports teach teenagers important thingessential lessons theyat cannot be learn justed solely from books, likesuch as how to dealcope with winning and losing, and how to workthe importance of hard fwor what they want.k in achieving their goals. To conclude, while competitive sports can makpose some difficulties for students' education, I think the positive effects are more importsignificant if we manage itd well. Schools should helpassist students in finding a good balance between sports and studies, so they can get all the good things fromenabling them to gain the advantages of both activities.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the task by discussing both views on the impact of competitive sports on teenagers' education and presents a clear personal opinion. Key strengths include a well-structured format with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, as well as appropriate vocabulary that conveys the intended meaning. However, critical areas for improvement include enhancing the development of ideas with more specific examples and a deeper exploration of the arguments, as well as improving transitions between contrasting views. Structural changes made include refining the topic sentences for clarity, adding transitional phrases like 'Conversely,' and varying vocabulary to avoid repetition. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating statistics or studies to strengthen arguments and varying sentence structures for greater complexity. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Ideas are logically sequenced, and cohesive devices are used appropriately. However, the transitions between some ideas could be smoother. For example, using phrases like 'On the other hand' or 'Conversely' could improve the flow when contrasting the two views.
7.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures, with mostly accurate usage. There are minor errors, such as 'teenagers education' which should be 'teenagers' education,' and some awkward phrasing, but these do not significantly impede understanding. To improve, the writer could focus on varying sentence structures and ensuring grammatical accuracy in all instances.
7.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate and conveys the intended meaning effectively. There are some instances of repetition, such as 'students' and 'education,' which could be varied with synonyms or paraphrasing. Additionally, incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary could enhance the overall quality, such as using terms like 'academic performance' or 'extracurricular activities.'
7.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing both views on the impact of competitive sports on teenagers' education and presents a clear personal opinion. However, the development of ideas could be enhanced with more specific examples and a deeper exploration of the arguments. For instance, including statistics or studies on the impact of sports on academic performance could strengthen the argument.
7.5

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