Some people think that employers should not care about the way their employees dress, because what matters is the quality of their work. Others believe that employees must dress smartly. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Part 1 (General)
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

In the modern day, there is discussion about if whether employers should pay attention to how their workers dress up, or just focus on the work wthat workeremployees do. Some thinkingbelieve that employees must be in good attire but, while others think the opposite. In miney opinion, it is depends on the job. On the one hand, there are jobs that needrequire workers to dressed up properly, like sales appropriately, such as salespeople or managers who meet clientes. In thisese cases, it is important thatfor employers to ensure their staff atwear appropriate and formal clothes like suits and ties, so they givinge a good impressions to clientes. If customers seeing a sloppy or toooverly casual worker, they may not trust the company and go elsewhere. On the another hand, for some jobs the, dress idoes not matters because workers don' not interact with the public, such as programmers in an office or workers in a factory. In thisese cases, as long as the clothesing is safe and not indecent, the quality and speed of work isare more important thean how the worker looks. Employers should focus on results, not dress. Alsodditionally, dress codes can be expensive for the the employees. In conclusion, I believe it depends on athe job. If an employee is doing work that needs makerequires making a good impression, like in sales, then employers should makeestablish rules about dress. But ifHowever, if the job is internal, like that of programmers, then employers should letallow employees to wear whatever they like as long as the work is good. The key is to find a balance that matches the role and the company.
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Expert Feedback

1. Key strengths of the essay include a clear understanding of the topic and the ability to present both sides of the argument. The writer also provides a personal opinion, which is essential for Task 1. 2. Critical areas for improvement include enhancing the clarity and depth of arguments, improving grammatical accuracy, and using a wider range of vocabulary. The transitions between ideas could also be smoother to improve coherence. 3. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving the flow of ideas with better transitions, and refining vocabulary choices to enhance clarity. 4. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include providing specific examples to support each viewpoint and varying sentence structures to enhance grammatical range. Additionally, the writer could benefit from proofreading to catch minor errors. 5. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout the discussion.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, with clear paragraphs for each viewpoint. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother, and some sentences feel disjointed. For example, phrases like 'On the another hand' should be corrected to 'On the other hand.' Using more cohesive devices would enhance the flow of the essay.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ('the dress is not matters') and incorrect prepositions ('in mine opinion'). While the writer demonstrates some range in sentence structures, the errors detract from the overall clarity. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition (e.g., 'workers' and 'dress') and some awkward phrases (e.g., 'the dress is not matters'). The writer could improve by incorporating a wider range of vocabulary and idiomatic expressions. For example, instead of 'dress up properly,' they could use 'dress appropriately.'
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both views on dress codes in the workplace and provides a personal opinion. However, the argument could be more clearly structured, and some points lack depth. For improvement, the writer could elaborate on the reasons behind each viewpoint and provide more specific examples to strengthen the argument.
6.5

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