Some people think that family is the most important influence on young adults. Other people think that friends are the most important influence on young adults. Which view do you agree with? Use examples to support your position.

Part 2
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

According to me, family have mores a greater effect ton young adults than their friends. There are several reasons why I think like this. First, the family members know the young adult for a longer time thean their friends. Family is there since birth and watches the young adult growing up. They understand the young adult's personality, likes, and dislikes very goodwell. In my childhood, my mother and father teachaught me many important lessons that shaped who I am today person. They teachaught me to be honest, work hard, and respect other personople. These lessons have stayed with me and makde me a better adult. On the other hand, friends come and go in life. Young adults meet new friends in school, college, and work, but these friends often change. The fFriends may not have the same values or goals as the young adult. They may encourage bad habits or behaviorurs. For example, my friend in high school always wanted to go to partyies and skip class. I followed him sometimes but later realizesed it iwas not good for my future. If I had listened to my parents' advice, I would not have makde this mistake. Also Additionally, family provides more support to young adults than friends. When young adults have problems or difficultyies, they often turn to family first for help. Family will always be there for them no matter what happens. They give love, guidance, and financial support when needed. Friends may not be able to provide the same level of help and support. In conclusion, while friends can be an important influence, I believe that family haves a bigger impact on shaping young adults' lifeves and personalityies. Family knows the young adult best and always wants what is good for them. They provide constant love, support, and guidance, which helps young adults grow into responsible and successful personindividuals.
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Expert Feedback

The essay presents a clear position that family is the most important influence on young adults, supported by relevant examples and personal experiences. Key strengths include a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, as well as the use of effective phrases. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, particularly with subject-verb agreement and article usage, as well as the need for more varied vocabulary to avoid repetition. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, enhancing transitions, and improving clarity in some sentences. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include a more balanced consideration of the opposing view regarding friends and the incorporation of a wider range of cohesive devices. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and reflective style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the transitions between ideas could be improved for better flow. For instance, phrases like 'On the other hand' are used, but more varied cohesive devices would enhance the overall coherence. Additionally, some sentences are slightly repetitive, which affects the clarity of the argument.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors that affect clarity, such as subject-verb agreement ('family have' should be 'family has') and incorrect article usage ('the young adult' instead of 'young adults'). While the meaning is generally clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. More attention to grammatical accuracy and varied sentence structures would enhance the score.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate for the task, with some effective phrases such as 'shape who I am today' and 'constant love, support, guidance.' However, there are instances of repetition (e.g., 'friend' and 'family') and some awkward word choices (e.g., 'have more effect to young adults'). To improve, the writer could incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and synonyms to avoid repetition.
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by presenting a clear position that family is the most important influence on young adults. It provides relevant examples to support this view, such as personal experiences and general observations about family dynamics. However, the development of ideas could be more thorough, and the argument could benefit from a more balanced consideration of the opposing view regarding friends.
6.0

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