Some people think that governments should ban dangerous sports, while others think people should have freedom to do any sports or activity. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Part 2
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

Dangerous sports hasve become more popular in recent years. And gGovernments in some countryies have started to think about whether they should they allow these sports or make them illegoal. There isare differaent opinions on this issue, which I will discuss. On the one hand, those who beliefve governments should make dangerous sports ageainst the law have some valid reasons. One bsignificant reasone is safety. Many of thisese sports, like rock climbing or skydiveing, have a high risk of injeury or even death. If they are allowed, it encourages more people to try them, which can lead to more accidents happening. Additionally, rescuing people who get in trouble while doing these sports can be costly for governments and risky for rescue teams. By outlawing ithem, the number of these incidents will definaitely reduce. Conversely, people who think dangerous sports should stayremain legal also make some convinceing points. One is that it's a personal choisce. These sports peopleenthusiasts know there is a risk, but they still wanting to do itparticipate because they enjoy the thrill and excitement. Banning them seems too much like a "nanny state" that is overly controlling of citizen's' lifves. Furthermore, with proper training and safety precautions, the dangeres of risky sports can be greately lowered, so government regulastion of the sports rather than full bans may be a bettaer approach to minimise harm. In my opinion, I beliefve that while governments have a duty to keep people safe, they also should respect individual freedom. Heavy-handed bans seems to go too far -; it's up to the personindividual to decide what level of risk they are comfeortable with, not the state. ButHowever, I do think governments can play a role in setting standards and ensureing access to propaer training and safety equipment for dangerous sports. So, to conclude, I would say oversight is goodbeneficial, but total banning goes too far.
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Expert Feedback

The essay presents a clear discussion of both sides of the argument regarding dangerous sports, which is a key strength. The writer articulates their opinion effectively and maintains a logical structure throughout the essay. However, there are critical areas for improvement, particularly in spelling, grammar, and the development of ideas. The original essay contained numerous spelling errors and grammatical mistakes that detracted from clarity and coherence. The corrected version addresses these issues by fixing spelling errors, improving grammatical accuracy, and enhancing the flow of ideas with better transitions. The structural changes made include correcting the spelling of key terms, ensuring subject-verb agreement, and refining awkward phrasing. Additionally, the use of cohesive devices was improved to enhance the overall coherence of the essay. For further improvements, the writer could elaborate on specific examples of dangerous sports and their implications, which would strengthen the argument. Additionally, varying sentence structures and using a wider range of vocabulary could enhance the lexical resource score. The tone used in the essay is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout the discussion.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is sometimes disrupted by awkward phrasing and grammatical errors. The use of cohesive devices is present but could be improved for better clarity. For instance, using clearer transitions between points would enhance coherence.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues, incorrect verb forms, and awkward sentence structures. While the writer demonstrates some range in sentence structures, the frequency of errors affects clarity. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures more effectively.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'goverments', 'illegol', 'differant', 'shuld', 'agenst', 'injery', 'convinceing', 'choise', 'excitment', 'dangeres', 'betar', 'comfertable', 'ensureing', 'propar') that detract from the overall quality. The writer could improve by using a wider range of vocabulary and ensuring correct spelling and word forms.
5.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing both views on the issue of banning dangerous sports and presents a clear opinion. However, the development of ideas could be more thorough, with more specific examples and a clearer structure. For improvement, the writer could elaborate on the points made, providing more detailed examples of dangerous sports and their implications.
6.0

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