Some people think that governments should ban dangerous sports, while others think people should have the freedom to do any sport or activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Part 2
5.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

Some peoples says governments should to ban the dedangerous sports, while other says people should be havings argue that individuals should have the freedom of doto engage ing any sports they want or any activitiesor activities they choose. I will discuss both views and give miney opinion. From On one hand, I can undaerstand why the government wants to banning the deangerous sports activities. Firstly, it is because thoese activities are really risky and can makes peoplelead to injuredies or, in worse cases, even death. Secondly, banning thoose activities will help to saves people life lives and keep thempeople savfe. Finally, the government haves the responsibleility to protects people from harming themselfves. On the other hands, I beliefve people should be allowed to doparticipate in any sports or activiteies they want to do becoause they have the freedom to choose for themself. Peopleves. Individuals should be able to doing anything they likes as long as they are responsbible and knowunderstand the consequences. Sometimes, deangerous sports can also helps people to challenge themselfves and improves theire skills. SoTherefore, it is not fair to take this opportunity away from peoplthose who reatruly enjoy doing these activities. In conclutsion, although I understand that the government wants to protect people by banning deangerous sports, I thing peoplek individuals should have the freedom of doingto engage in any sports or activities they wantdesire. However, the government can puttedimplement some rules and regulatinons to make sure people doing itensure that people participate safely and responsibley. This way, peopleindividuals can still enjoy these activtyities while being protected from harm.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task by discussing both views on whether governments should ban dangerous sports and presenting a personal opinion. Key strengths include a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, as well as a basic range of vocabulary relevant to the topic. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, spelling, and the development of ideas. The original essay contained numerous grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that disrupted the flow of ideas. In the corrected version, I focused on improving grammatical accuracy, correcting spelling mistakes, and enhancing coherence by refining transitions between ideas. Further improvements could include providing specific examples to support the arguments made, which would strengthen the overall development of ideas. Additionally, varying the vocabulary and sentence structures further would enhance the essay's quality. The tone used in the essay is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining a formal style throughout. Overall, with the implemented changes, the essay is clearer and more coherent, making it easier for the reader to follow the writer's argument.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is occasionally disrupted by awkward phrasing and grammatical errors. The use of cohesive devices is present but could be more varied and effective. To enhance coherence, the writer should focus on clearer transitions between ideas and ensure logical progression.
5.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including incorrect verb forms ('should to ban', 'should allowed'), subject-verb agreement issues, and awkward sentence structures. While the writer demonstrates some range in sentence construction, the frequency of errors affects clarity. To improve, the writer should focus on grammatical accuracy and practice using a variety of sentence structures correctly.
4.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate for the topic, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'goverments', 'dengerous', 'activites') and repetitive phrases (e.g., 'doing any sports or activities'). To improve, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and ensure correct spelling. Incorporating more sophisticated terms and expressions would also enhance the overall quality.
5.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing both views on whether governments should ban dangerous sports and presents a clear opinion. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited, and the arguments could be more thoroughly elaborated with specific examples. To improve, the writer could provide more detailed reasoning and examples to support their points.
5.0

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