Some people think that human history has been a journey from ignorance to knowledge. Others argue that this underestimates the achievements of ancient cultures, and overvalues our achievements. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Part 2
6.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

In this essay, I will discuss about the two different views on human history and achievements. Some peoples believes that in human history we have progressed from a state of ignorance long ago to a state of knowledge today. They thinks that in ancient times, people did not kneow very much, and that over time our knowledgeunderstanding has increased until where we are today. However, other people disagree and says that this view underestimates whatthe accomplishments of ancient cultures accomplishments. They points out many impressive things that ancient peoples achieved, for example, the pyramids of Egypt or the Great Wall of China, which even today we would have difficulty to building. They argues that ancient peoples had a lot of knowledge too, just different knowledge than uswe have today. In my opinion, I am agreeing with the second view. It is wrong to think of ancient people as ignorant. They had a vast knowledge, but it was a different type of knowledge suited for their time and their needs. In some ways, theire knowledge exceeded our own today. For example, they had a closer connection to nature and an understanding of how to live sustainably, which is knowledge that we have lost today inin the modern world. At the same time, it is also wrong to overvalue our achievements today. Many of our achievecomplishments come at a great cost, such as damage to the environment or the loss of traditional lifestyles and knowledge. We have gained some knowledgeinsights but lost other types of knowledge.understanding. In conclusion, I believe it is wrong to view history as a simple journey from ignorance to knowledge. Ancient cultures had great knowledge and achievements that should not be underestimated. And oOur modern achievecomplishments, while impressive in some ways, have also come at a significant cost and loss of other types of knowledge. History is more complex than a straight line from ignorance to knowledge.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the task by discussing both views on human history and achievements, presenting a clear opinion. Key strengths include a clear structure and logical progression of ideas. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, particularly with subject-verb agreement and verb forms, as well as the use of varied vocabulary to avoid repetition. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, enhancing transitions between ideas, and improving clarity in some sentences. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating more specific examples of how ancient knowledge has influenced modern practices and using a wider range of complex sentences. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and analytical style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally coherent, with a logical progression of ideas. However, some transitions between sentences and paragraphs could be smoother. For example, using cohesive devices like 'furthermore' or 'in addition' could enhance the flow of ideas. Additionally, the structure could be improved by clearly separating the discussion of each viewpoint.
6.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, but there are several errors that affect clarity, such as subject-verb agreement issues ('peoples believes,' 'they thinks') and incorrect verb forms ('did not knew'). While the meaning is generally clear, improving grammatical accuracy and using a wider range of complex sentences would enhance the score.
6.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is adequate but somewhat repetitive, with phrases like 'knowledge' and 'achievements' appearing frequently. To improve, the writer could incorporate synonyms or more varied expressions, such as 'understanding,' 'insights,' or 'accomplishments.' Additionally, there are some minor spelling errors, such as 'differnt' and 'peoples,' which detract from the overall quality.
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing both views on human history and achievements, presenting a clear opinion. However, it could benefit from more specific examples and a deeper exploration of the arguments. For instance, elaborating on how ancient knowledge has influenced modern practices would strengthen the argument.
7.0

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