Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Part 2
7.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

Nowadays, people have different views about whether we are more dependent on each other or becomeing more independent in this modern world. While some people believe that peoplwe are more relying on each increasingly reliant on one another, I would argue that peopleindividuals are more independent thisese days. On the one hand, many people think that we are more dependent on each other in the modern world. They may say that with the development of technology, people can connect with each other more easily and frequently. For example, peopleindividuals can use social media to communicate with their friends and family members who live far away. This makes them feel more connected and dependent on each reliant on one another. Additionally, with the globalization of the economy, countries are more interdependent on each other in terms of trade and investment. However, I believe that people have become more independent in the modern world. Firstly, with the increasing levels of education and income, peopleindividuals are more capable of taking care of themselves and making their own decisions. They do not need to rely on others for support or advice as much as before. Secondly, with the development of technology, people can access information and resources more easily, which enables them to solve problems and achieve their goals independently. For instance, peopleindividuals can learn new skills or knowledge through online courses or tutorials without going to school or asking for help from others. In conclusion, while some people think that we are more dependent on each other in the modern world, I believe that peopleindividuals have become more independent due to the increasing levels of education and income, ands well as the development of technology.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the task by discussing both views on dependency and independence in the modern world, presenting a clear position that supports the argument for increased independence. Key strengths include a logical structure and relevant examples that enhance the argument. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, particularly in subject-verb agreement and the use of appropriate vocabulary. The introduction could be more precise in stating the topic, and the conclusion could summarize the main points more effectively. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving vocabulary variety, and enhancing transitions between ideas. For further improvements, the writer could incorporate more complex sentence structures and synonyms to reduce repetition. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective style.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized, with a logical flow of ideas. Each paragraph presents a clear point, and there are some cohesive devices used, such as 'on the one hand' and 'however.' However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother, and the use of cohesive devices could be more varied to enhance the overall coherence.
7.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors, such as 'more depend on each other' (should be 'more dependent on each other') and 'This make them feel' (should be 'This makes them feel'). These errors affect the overall clarity and accuracy of the writing. More complex sentence structures could also be employed to enhance the grammatical range.
6.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the task, with some good expressions like 'globalization of economy' and 'interdependent.' However, there are instances of repetition, such as 'dependent' and 'independent,' which could be replaced with synonyms to demonstrate a wider range of vocabulary. Additionally, phrases like 'this days' should be corrected to 'these days' for accuracy.
7.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing both views on dependency and independence in the modern world. The writer presents a clear position, arguing that people have become more independent, and supports this with relevant examples. However, the introduction could be more precise in stating the topic, and the conclusion could summarize the main points more effectively.
7.5

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