Some people think that schools should select students according to their academic abilities, while others believe that it is better to have students with different abilities studying together. Discuss both views and state your own opinion.
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task by addressing both sides of the argument regarding the separation of students by ability. Key strengths include a coherent structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, critical areas for improvement include the need for more developed arguments and clearer examples to support the points made. The use of cohesive devices was enhanced to improve the flow of ideas, and grammatical errors were corrected to increase clarity and accuracy. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating a wider range of vocabulary and more complex sentence structures to elevate the overall quality of the writing. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is somewhat disjointed, and transitions between points could be improved. For example, using cohesive devices like 'on the one hand' and 'on the other hand' would enhance clarity. Additionally, the conclusion could better summarize the main points.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues (e.g., 'I am agree' should be 'I agree'), incorrect verb forms (e.g., 'to has' should be 'to have'), and awkward constructions. While the meaning is generally clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on sentence structure and ensure subject-verb agreement.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several instances of repetition and incorrect word forms (e.g., 'seperate' should be 'separate', 'toghether' should be 'together'). The use of phrases like 'smart students' and 'slower students' is somewhat simplistic. To improve, the writer could incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and more precise terms, such as 'high-achieving' and 'struggling learners'.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The essay addresses the task by discussing both views on whether students should be separated by ability or study together. However, the arguments could be more fully developed with clearer examples and a more structured approach. For improvement, the writer could elaborate on the benefits of mixed-ability classrooms with specific examples, such as how collaborative projects enhance learning.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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