Some people think that students should work and study at the same time, while others believe students should focus only on their studies. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

In the nowadays, we haveoday's world, there is an common discussion regarding ifwhether students should combinninge thieir studyingies with workings, or other persons is believing that students need toif they should concerntrate solely on their studying onlyies. I am going to explore both of these opinions and will also tell you my thinking.share my thoughts. Firstly, those who are supposingbelieve that students should work and study in same timing, thesimultaneously may be argueing that it helps student to gets gain importancet exposure and skillsing in the real world. When students are working, they meeting differencet people and also learning how to managinge their timingse and responsibilities. They can use this all experience after they have graduate to find better jobs and to be more successfull. So they are sayingTherefore, they argue that it is beneficial for their future. On the other hands, the personsose who beliefve that studying should be prioritize, theyd maybe thinking that studying requires full focus and attention. If students work at the same timinge, it can distract them from thieir studyingies and enegatively affect their education nagatively. They may also be worry that students will getbecome exhausted from working and not have the energy to studying properly. Their argument is that studying should always come first always, and working can be done later after students have completed their education. In my opinion, I am thinking that students should focusing on their studying mosties primarily, but they could also work part-time if they wants to gain experience. But theHowever, working should not enegatively affecting their studying in a bad manners. So maybeies. Perhaps they can work on weekends or holyidays to getain experience but nowithout compromise thier studyinging their education. If they can manageing both things, then I think it okayis acceptable, but studying should balways be the priority always. In conclusion, I believe that both points of view have validity, but myI think is that studying should come first for students, and working can be done lafter or in a limited amount if possible without disturbance toing their education. It is important for students to focus on thieir studying to geties to achieve good marks and build a strong foundation for the future.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the task by discussing both views on whether students should work while studying and providing a personal opinion. Key strengths include a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, critical areas for improvement include the development of arguments, as they were somewhat underdeveloped and lacked depth. The vocabulary used was generally appropriate, but there were several instances of incorrect word forms and spelling errors that detracted from the overall effectiveness. Grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement and awkward sentence structures, hindered clarity and accuracy. Structural changes made include correcting awkward phrases and ensuring proper subject-verb agreement, as well as enhancing transitions between paragraphs. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include providing specific examples or evidence to support points, such as statistics on student performance or testimonials from students who have balanced work and study. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is sometimes disrupted by awkward phrasing and unclear transitions. For example, phrases like 'On other hands' and 'the persons who belief' could be improved for clarity. Using more cohesive devices and clearer topic sentences would enhance the overall coherence.
5.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('student should work' instead of 'students should work'), incorrect verb forms ('focusing' instead of 'focus'), and awkward sentence structures. These errors hinder clarity and accuracy. To improve, the writer should practice using a wider range of grammatical structures correctly and pay attention to subject-verb agreement and verb tense consistency.
4.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several instances of incorrect word forms and spelling errors, such as 'combinning', 'thier', 'argueing', and 'succesfull'. The writer attempts to use a range of vocabulary, but the frequent errors detract from the overall effectiveness. To improve, the writer should focus on using correct word forms and expanding their vocabulary with more sophisticated terms.
5.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing both views on whether students should work while studying and provides a personal opinion. However, the arguments are somewhat underdeveloped and lack depth. To improve, the writer could provide more specific examples or evidence to support their points, such as statistics on student performance or testimonials from students who have balanced work and study.
5.0

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