Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Part 2
7.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

There are differing opinions on the matter of how to best reduce crime rates. Some individuals strongly believe that harsher punishments, in the form of longer prison sentences, are the most effective solution. On the other handConversely, others argue that there exists superior alternatives to this approach. Supporters of longer prison sentences claim that such measures will make potential criminals think twice before engaging in illegal activities, knowing that they will face severe consequences if caught. They argue that when criminals are locked away for extended periods, they are unable to commit further crimes in society. Additionally, this approach acts as a strong deterrent to other individuals who may be considering breaking the law. However, opponents of this view point out that longer prison sentences do not addressing root causes, such as poverty, lack of education, and unemployment, which can lead people to resorting to criminal activities in the first place. They suggest that focusing on rehabilitation programs, education, and job training for offenders, can be more effectual in reducing recidivism rates. Furthermore, investing in crime prevention strategies, such as community outreach programs and improving social services, can help create safer communities and decreasinge crime rates over the long term. In my opinion, while longer prison terms may have some deterrent effect, I believe that a comprehensive approach that addresses underlying socio-economic factors is crucial for achieving long-lasting reductions in crime rates. This should include a combination of rehabilitation programs for offenders, crime prevention initiatives, and efforts to promote social equality. By tackling the root causes of criminal behaviour and providing individuals with opportunities to lead law-abiding lives, we can more effectively lower crime rates and create a safer society for all.
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Expert Feedback

The essay presents a balanced discussion on the topic of crime reduction, effectively addressing both sides of the argument and providing a clear personal opinion. Key strengths include a logical structure and appropriate vocabulary, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, as several errors detract from clarity, and the need for more specific examples to support the arguments. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, enhancing transitions for a more formal tone, and improving the overall fluency of the essay. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating specific examples of successful rehabilitation programs or community initiatives to strengthen the arguments further. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized, with a logical flow of ideas. However, some transitions could be smoother. For example, the phrase 'On the other hand' could be replaced with 'Conversely' for a more formal tone. Additionally, the use of cohesive devices could be varied to improve the overall fluency.
7.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors, such as 'this approach act as strong deterrent' (should be 'acts as a strong deterrent') and 'do not addressing root causes' (should be 'do not address root causes'). These errors affect clarity and accuracy, but the overall meaning remains understandable.
6.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate and varied, with terms like 'recidivism' and 'socio-economic factors' demonstrating a good range. However, there are some repetitive phrases, such as 'longer prison sentences' and 'crime rates,' which could be replaced with synonyms to enhance lexical variety.
7.5
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing both views on reducing crime and presents a clear opinion. However, it could benefit from more specific examples to strengthen the arguments. For instance, mentioning successful rehabilitation programs or community initiatives could enhance the discussion.
7.5

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