Some people think that the increase in international travel has a negative impact on the environment and should be restricted. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Part 2
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

Nowadays, more and more people isare traveling globally for tourism and business. Some think this trend has a detrimental effect on our environment that needs to be limited. I partly agree with this opinion. On one hand, the growth of international travel brings some positive outcomes to people and societies. First, travel broadens individuals' minds. When people go abroad, they can learn about new cultures, trying local food, meet foreign people, and go tovisit famous attractions. All of these thingexperiences make traveller bes more opened -minded. Secondly, tourism promotes the economy. When travellers visiting a place, they spend a lot of money on hotels, restaurants, and souvenirs, thatwhich allows local bussinesses and people canto earn more money from tourists. SoTherefore, international travel has some benefits. On the other hand, the surge in global travel does have some negative effect tos on the environment. More travel means more airplanes, thatwhich emit carbon dioxide. Carbon dioxide causes global warming by trapping heat in ethe Earth. Global warming leads to rising sea level rises, more extreme weather, and the destroyinguction of ecosystems. All these factors negatively affects people and the planet badly. Moreover, more tourists means more hotels. Some hotels in natural areas destroy forests. Forests are home tof many animals,; when forests are destroyed, animals hasve no place to live. SoThus, international travel sometimes harms the eEarth. In conclusion, globale travel does bring some economical and social benefits, but it also has damaging aeffects on the environment. I think the government should makingimplement some restrictions, but not too muchexcessively. For example, touristhe number of tourists to a place can be limited on busy days. People should also travel responsibly to not to make theavoid worsening environmental impacts worsen.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the positive and negative impacts of international travel on the environment, which is a key strength. However, there are critical areas for improvement, particularly in grammatical accuracy and coherence. The original essay contained several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement and awkward constructions, which have been corrected. Additionally, spelling errors have been addressed, and transitions between ideas have been improved for better flow. The structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, enhancing coherence with appropriate transitions, and ensuring proper spelling. The conclusion has been clarified to better articulate the writer's position on restrictions. For further improvements, the writer could provide specific examples of how restrictions could be implemented and their potential effectiveness, as well as incorporate a wider range of vocabulary to avoid repetition. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, with clear paragraphs for different points. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother, and some sentences lack clarity. For instance, phrases like 'On other hand' should be 'On the other hand' for better coherence. Using more cohesive devices, such as 'Furthermore' or 'In addition,' could enhance the flow of ideas.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ('more and more people is traveling') and incorrect verb forms ('need to be limited'). There are also awkward constructions that affect clarity. To improve, the writer should focus on using correct grammatical structures and varying sentence types to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical accuracy.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'globaly,' 'bussness,' 'alot') and some repetitive phrases (e.g., 'international travel' and 'tourism'). To improve, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and ensure correct spelling. Incorporating synonyms and more sophisticated expressions would enhance the lexical resource score.
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the positive and negative impacts of international travel on the environment. However, the argument could be more clearly developed, particularly in the conclusion, where the position on restrictions is somewhat vague. To improve, the writer could provide more specific examples of how restrictions could be implemented and their potential effectiveness.
6.0

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