Some people think that the news media nowadays have influenced people's lives in negative ways. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the negative and positive influences of the news media on people's lives, which is a key strength. However, the position could be clearer and more consistently articulated throughout the essay. Critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, particularly in subject-verb agreement and verb forms, as well as spelling errors that detract from the overall quality. The structure has been maintained, with clear topic sentences and supporting details in each paragraph. Transition phrases have been added to improve coherence, especially when shifting from negative to positive impacts. For further improvement, the writer could expand on their arguments with more specific examples or statistics to strengthen their claims. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and analytical style.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is sometimes disrupted by awkward phrasing and a lack of clear transitions between points. For instance, the shift from discussing negative impacts to positive impacts could be smoother. To enhance coherence, the writer should use more cohesive devices and ensure that each paragraph logically follows from the previous one.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, but there are numerous errors in subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'this impact are negative', 'the news medias'), verb forms (e.g., 'can has', 'I am agree'), and sentence structure. These errors can hinder clarity and understanding. To improve, the writer should focus on grammatical accuracy and vary sentence structures to enhance the overall quality of the writing.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several instances of incorrect word forms and spelling errors (e.g., 'peoples', 'depresed', 'dangers', 'informated', 'ignorrant', 'democatic', 'citiznes'). Additionally, there is some repetition of phrases like 'news media' and 'negative impact'. To improve, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and ensure correct spelling and word forms.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the negative and positive influences of the news media on people's lives. However, the position is not consistently clear, and the development of ideas could be more robust. For example, the argument about the media's negative impact could be expanded with more specific examples or statistics. To improve, the writer should ensure a clearer stance throughout the essay and provide more detailed support for their claims.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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