Some people think that young people should choose jobs related to their interests and not just focus on earning money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Part 1 (Academic)
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

I agree that young people should mainly choose a career based on what they are interested in, instead of focusing only on making money. There are someeveral reasons for this viewpoint, which iI will explaining. First of all, when a person do thees a job they like, it brings them happiness and make them motivateds them to working hard. In contrast, if people don not like their job, even if the salary is high, over time they will become frustrated and not putting effort into jobtheir work. For example, my cousin studied accounting because the pay was good, but she haved no interest in the subject. As a result, she was always bored at work, and after a few years, she decided to change her career to something she actually enjoyed, even though the money was less. This shows that interest in work is more important than money in athe long time.run. Secondly, if young people choose jobs that match their interests, they will becominge skilled and successful in their field. When someone has a passion for something, they will naturally want to spend more time learning about it and practicing it. Over time, this leads to developing expertise and becoming a top performer in their field. On the other hand, if a person only focuses on earning money, they may not put in the extra effort to become really good at what they do. For instance, many of my friends who studied engineering only for the high salary are now stuck in low-level positions because they didn not improve their skills beyond what was required for the job. In conclusion, iI strongly believe that young people should prioritize their interests over money when choosing a career. Not only does it lead to greater job satisfaction and motivation, but it also it helps them excelling in their chosen field in the long run. Of course, earning enough money is important too, but it should not be the only factor when making career decisions.
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Expert Feedback

The essay presents a clear argument in favour of choosing careers based on personal interests rather than financial gain, which is a key strength. The structure is generally logical, with distinct paragraphs addressing different aspects of the argument. However, there are critical areas for improvement, particularly in grammatical accuracy and the use of cohesive devices. The essay would benefit from a more balanced discussion that includes potential counterarguments, as well as a wider range of vocabulary to enhance sophistication. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving transitions between ideas, and ensuring proper subject-verb agreement. For further improvement, the writer could incorporate more varied sentence structures and explore the potential benefits of financial considerations in career choices. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and persuasive style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally coherent, with a logical flow of ideas. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, using phrases like 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' could enhance the connection between points. Additionally, the conclusion could be more clearly linked back to the main argument.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('it bring them happiness'), incorrect verb forms ('i will explaining'), and punctuation mistakes. While the meaning is generally clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the task, but there are some repetitive phrases and errors in word choice, such as 'interested in' instead of 'interest in' and 'lead to' instead of 'leads to.' To improve, the writer could incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and idiomatic expressions, which would enhance the overall sophistication of the writing.
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by presenting a clear argument in favor of choosing jobs based on interests rather than solely on financial gain. However, it could benefit from a more balanced discussion, including potential counterarguments or a more nuanced view. For example, mentioning situations where financial considerations might be necessary could strengthen the argument.
6.5

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