Some people think that zoos are cruel and should be closed down. Others, however, believe that zoos can be useful in protecting wild animals. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

Part 2
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

Some peoples of today think animalsthat exhibiting animals in zoos is cruel and inhumane, and that zoos should close down. However in contrarily, many others peoples argue that zoos also play an important role in protecting wild animals species from dangerous and extinction. Both sides hasve valid points worth examination. One reason ofor this view is that keeping wild animals in zoos is cruel treatment to them. The animals in zoos are locked in small enclozsures and cages. They cannot roam free as nature intended and must rely on humans for food. Zoos isare not a natural habitat for them. Wild animals are meant to have large areas to roam. For example, lions and tigarers need big spaces to run, and cheetah iss are the fastest land mammelals. Big cats cannot run fast in zoo cages. Zoos cannot simply provide enogugh space like in the wild. This leads to animals feeling depressed, stressed, and acting out not , unlike in the wild. On differingthe other hand, zoos also serve also forto protect endangered animals. Many animeals face extinction due to loss of habitat, climate change, peopleand hunting by people. Having animals in zoos can help save species for the future. Endangered amnimals like pandas, snow leopards, and elepheants can reproduce in zoos to boost their populations. Zoos also raise aweareness by teaching visitors about animals and the importance of conservation. People learn at zoos how amazing animals isare and why we must protect them for future generations. Another example is that zoos helps injured wild animeals recover and return to the wild later. Many seabirds are cleaned by zoos after oil spill disasters, for example. So, in some situachtions, zoosthe helps zoos provide to animals cannot be denied. In conclusion, I beliefve zoos hasve both positives and negatives. We must try to minimize the negative aspects of zoos and focus on protection and conservateion. Of course, in an ideal world, animals should live free in nature. But since humans threaten wildlife, sadly, zoos are necessary to ensure some species do not disappear completely. In my opinion, if zoos truly puts animal welfare first and use resources for conservation and education, then ithey can be okayan acceptable choice until animals can live in a safe world again without human dangers. Until then, zoos provide some protecshtion. But zoos eatingHowever, zoos that mistreat animals are very bad, and I am against them.
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Expert Feedback

The essay presents a balanced view on the topic of zoos, discussing both the arguments for and against their existence. Key strengths of the essay include a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, as well as the acknowledgment of both sides of the argument. The writer also attempts to provide examples to support their points, which is essential for a Task 2 essay. Critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, coherence, and lexical resource. The original essay contained numerous grammatical errors, awkward phrasing, and spelling mistakes that detracted from clarity. The revised version addresses these issues by correcting grammatical errors, improving transitions, and enhancing vocabulary variety. Structural changes made include correcting awkward phrases and ensuring proper subject-verb agreement. Additionally, the flow of ideas was improved by using clearer transitions between paragraphs. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include expanding on specific examples, such as providing statistics or case studies related to the conservation efforts of zoos. This would strengthen the arguments presented. Furthermore, the writer could benefit from using a wider range of vocabulary to avoid repetition and enhance the overall quality of the essay. The tone used in the essay is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining a formal and objective stance while discussing a controversial topic.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is occasionally disrupted by awkward phrasing and unclear transitions. For example, phrases like 'on differing hand' and 'this lead to animal feel depress' detract from clarity. Improving the use of cohesive devices and ensuring logical progression between sentences would enhance coherence.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues (e.g., 'Both sides has valid points'), incorrect verb forms, and awkward sentence structures. While the writer demonstrates some range in sentence construction, the frequency of errors impacts overall clarity. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used in the essay is somewhat limited and includes several spelling errors (e.g., 'enclozure', 'animels', 'necesary'). While there are attempts to use relevant terms related to the topic, the repetition of certain words (e.g., 'animal', 'zoos') indicates a lack of variety. To improve, the writer could incorporate synonyms and more sophisticated vocabulary to convey ideas more effectively.
5.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing both views on the topic of zoos and providing a personal opinion. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited, and the arguments could be more thoroughly explored with additional examples and clearer reasoning. For instance, the mention of how zoos help injured animals could be expanded with specific cases or statistics to strengthen the argument.
6.0

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