Some people think the manufacturers and shopping malls should sell fewer packaged products while others argue that people have the responsibility to buy products with less packaging. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Part 2
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

There are different opinions about who is responsible for reducing the waste packaging from products. Some beliefve that manufacturers and shops should provide less packaged products, but others feel that the responsibility lies with the consumers themselfves. I think that both views gothave some merit, and I will discuss them below. On one hand, manufacturers and mallretailers have the abilitiesy to make changes in the how they packaginge their products. They could use meaterials whichthat are Eeco-friendly, biodegradeable, and less harmfull to the environment. By reducing the packaging, they are reducminimizing wastage, which is good for the planet. AlsoFurthermore, the cost savings from using less packaging could be passed on to consumers. So theTherefore, companies an malld retailers have an important role to play. in this issue. On the other hand, cuonsumers also have a say in how much packaging they want. People can be more careful oin checking Hhow products are packaged before buying and choose to buy those with less packaging whenever possible. For example, we can chooseopt for unwrapped fruits and veggietables in the supermarket instead of onesthose that are pre-packaged in plastic trays. By doing this, we send a signal too manufacturers that there areis a demand for products with mimnimal packaging. Over time, the market will adapt accordingly too meet the wants of consumers. In caonclusion, I feel that the responsibility to reduce packaging waste lies with both manufacturers and consumers. The mallRetailers can take steps to reduce itstheir packaging, but it is also up to us as consumers to act responsibly and reward environmentally conscious companies with our buying power. If everybody does their part, we will be one step closer towards a greener world.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the task by discussing both views regarding responsibility for reducing packaging waste. Key strengths include a clear structure with distinct paragraphs for each viewpoint and a relevant conclusion. However, critical areas for improvement include spelling errors, grammatical inaccuracies, and the need for more thorough development of ideas with specific examples. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving transitions between ideas, and enhancing clarity in sentences. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include expanding on specific actions that manufacturers can take and providing more detailed examples of consumer choices. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, with clear paragraphs for each viewpoint. However, some transitions between ideas are abrupt, and the use of cohesive devices could be improved. For instance, phrases like 'On one hand' and 'On the other hand' could be complemented with more varied linking words to enhance flow. Using phrases like 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' could help connect ideas more smoothly.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors and awkward constructions (e.g., 'the responsibility lie with the consumers themself', 'the abilities to make changes in the how they packaging'). These errors affect clarity and accuracy. To improve, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and sentence structure, ensuring that sentences are grammatically correct and clear.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'diffrent', 'producs', 'meterials', 'harmfull', 'enviroment', 'cunsumers', 'an', 'too', 'mimimal'). While some sophisticated terms are present, the frequent errors detract from the overall impression. To improve, the writer should proofread for spelling and consider using a wider range of vocabulary to express ideas more precisely.
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing both views regarding responsibility for reducing packaging waste. However, the development of ideas could be more thorough, with clearer examples and a more explicit opinion stated in the introduction. To improve, the writer could provide more specific examples of manufacturers' actions and consumer choices.
6.5

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