Some people think young people should be required to have full time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree? You should write at least 250 words.

Part 2
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

In modern society, many peoples believe that the youth should attend school until 18 years old, at minimum. I am partially in agreement with this opinion, because, without enough education, young peoples are not able to find jobs easily, and they do not getacquire the knowledge and skills necessary for their lifves. Firstly, in modern times, education is more impoortant more than ever before, as competition for work increases. If students do not finish school until they are 18 years old, ithey will be difficult for them to compete against other peoples who have better education. I have saween some people in my country who dropped out of school early and now cannot find good jobs. They have to work as low-paying labourers or in factories. SoTherefore, if young peoples want to have a good future, they need to stay in school as long as possible. Secondly, in high school, students learn not only about specific subject,s but also gain important skills such as critical thinking, communication, and teamwork. Thisese skills help them succeed in their personal and professional lifeves later on. For example, if a person learns how to communicate well in high school, they can use this skill in their job or relationships. Education until 18 years old gives students enough time to develop thisese important skills before entering society as adults. However, I also think that not all students need to stay in school until 18 if they have other plans for their lifves. Some people may want to start working earlier or pursue other interests such as art or music. I think these peoplebelieve these individuals should have the freedom to choose their own paths and not be forced to stay in school against their will. Education is important, but it is not the only way to achieve success in life. If young peoples have a clear goal and plan, they should be allowed to pursue it, even if it means leaveing school early. In conclusion, I am partially in agreement that young people should be required to have full-time education until 18 years old. Education is important for job prospects and life skills, but there should be some flexibility for peoplthose who have different plans. The most important thing is that young people have the support and guideance they need to make informed decisions about their futures.
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Expert Feedback

The essay presents a clear position on the necessity of education until 18 years old while acknowledging the need for flexibility for those with different plans. Key strengths include a logical structure with clear paragraphs and a relevant argument. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, vocabulary range, and the use of cohesive devices to enhance the flow of ideas. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving vocabulary usage, and adding transitions for better coherence. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include providing specific examples or statistics to strengthen arguments and expanding the range of vocabulary. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with clear paragraphs, but the flow of ideas could be improved. Some transitions between ideas are abrupt, which affects the overall coherence. Using more cohesive devices, such as 'furthermore' or 'in addition,' could help link ideas more smoothly. For example, the transition from discussing the importance of education to the skills learned in high school could be more fluid.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ('young peoples not able'), incorrect verb forms ('have saw' should be 'have seen'), and awkward constructions ('if young peoples want have good future'). While the meaning is generally clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. Improving grammatical accuracy and using a wider range of sentence structures would benefit the writing.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition and some misused words, such as 'peoples' instead of 'people' and 'impoortant' instead of 'important.' Additionally, phrases like 'low-pay labourer' could be improved to 'low-paying labor jobs.' Expanding the range of vocabulary and using more sophisticated expressions would enhance the score.
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by presenting a clear position on the necessity of education until 18 years old, while also acknowledging the need for flexibility for those with different plans. However, the argument could be strengthened with more specific examples and a clearer structure. For instance, providing statistics or studies on the benefits of education could enhance the argument.
6.5

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