Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later. Some people think that having these people give a talk to school students is the best way to tell them about the dangers of committing a crime. Do you agree or disagree

Part 2
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

I amdo not agree with this idea. I think it is not good for thebeneficial for prisoners to give a talks to the students in schools. There are many reasons why I am not agree with this.hold this view. Firstly, the prisoners are not good examples for the students. They have done bad thingcommitted crimes in the past and they have been in prison. Thehave served time in prison. Consequently, students willmay not respect them and willmay not listen to themir messages. They willmight think that if they do bad things, they will alsoengage in criminal behavior, they too can go to prison and then they canlater become good citizens later. This is not the right message to giconvey to the students. Secondly, the prisoners are not trained to give talks to communicate effectively withe students. They do not know how to communicate with the stmay lack the skills to engage with young audientces and how to make them understand the dangers of committing a crime. They may not be abto convey the dangers of criminal behavior. Furthermore, they may struggle to answer thestudents' questions of the students and may not be able to give them the right information. This will not be effective in telling the students about the dangers of committing aand provide accurate information. This lack of effectiveness undermines the purpose of educating students about the risks associated with crime. In conclusion, I disagree with the idea of having the prisoners give a talk to thespeak to students in schools. It is not a good way to tell then effective method for educating students about the dangers of committing a crimeriminal behavior. There are other better ways to do thialternatives, such as having the police or the teachers give talks to the students. This willfficers or educators deliver these talks. This approach would be more effective in telling theinforming students about the dangers of committing arisks associated with crime.
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Expert Feedback

The essay presents a clear position against the idea of having prisoners speak to students, which is a key strength. The structure is logical, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, as several errors were present in the original text. The vocabulary used was somewhat repetitive and could benefit from more variety and sophistication. In the corrected version, grammatical errors were addressed, and synonyms were introduced to enhance lexical resource. Additionally, transitions between ideas were improved for better coherence. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating specific examples or evidence to support the arguments, such as statistics or studies on the effectiveness of alternative speakers. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally coherent, with a logical structure that includes an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, using phrases like 'Moreover' or 'In addition' could enhance the flow of ideas. Improving the variety of linking words would strengthen the overall coherence.
6.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, such as 'I am not agree' instead of 'I do not agree' and 'the prisoners are not good example' instead of 'the prisoners are not good examples.' These errors affect the overall clarity of the writing. While the sentence structures are generally correct, there is a lack of complex sentences. To improve, the writer should focus on grammatical accuracy and vary sentence structures to demonstrate a wider range.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate but somewhat repetitive, particularly with phrases like 'give a talk' and 'dangers of committing a crime.' While the language is clear, it lacks sophistication and variety. To improve, the writer could incorporate synonyms or more advanced vocabulary, such as 'address' instead of 'give a talk' and 'criminal behavior' instead of 'committing a crime.'
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by presenting a clear position against the idea of having prisoners speak to students. However, it lacks depth in developing the main ideas and could benefit from more specific examples or evidence to support the arguments. For improvement, the writer could include statistics or studies that show the effectiveness of alternative speakers, such as police officers or educators.
6.0

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