Some people work for the same organisation all their life. Others think that it is better to work for different organizations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Part 2
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

Some peoples work in the same company for all of themir lifeves. However, others prefer to change jobs many times in their lifves. I will discuss both points of views and give my opinion. There are several benefit fors to staying at one organization. Firstly, you can build strong relationships and a good team with colleagues when working together for a long time. This can lead to better cooperations and more effectives work. Additionally, staying at the same company shows loyality, which can be rewarded with promotions and pay increases. People who stay for a long time also have very good knowledge of the company and how it works, so they can bemaking them very valuable. On the other hand, changing jobs can also have advantages. Working in differencet places gives you more varied experience and skills. This can make your CV more impressive and help you to find a better job in the future. Moving to a new company can also mean getting a higher salarly and more interesting work. It prevents boredom from doing the same thing for too long time. In my opinion, I think it is good to stay with one organizations for a while to gain experience and show commitment. ButHowever, it is also important to be open forto new opportunities and change jobs if ithey offer better prospects. The best approach is probbably to find a balance between stability and variety in one's career. To conclude, there are benefits to both staying in the same job and changing companyies. It depends on individual situations and priorities. ButHowever, combining both in a career can givprovide the most advantages.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task by discussing both perspectives on job stability versus job change. Key strengths include a logical structure and a clear introduction and conclusion. However, critical areas for improvement include the need for more specific examples to support the arguments, which would enhance the overall depth of the discussion. Additionally, the essay contained several grammatical errors and spelling mistakes that detracted from its quality. The structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving vocabulary accuracy, and enhancing coherence with better transitions. For further improvements, the writer could incorporate specific examples or anecdotes to illustrate the benefits of each perspective more vividly. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with clear paragraphs, but the flow of ideas could be improved. Some transitions between sentences and ideas are abrupt, which affects the overall coherence. To enhance cohesion, the writer could use more varied cohesive devices and ensure smoother transitions between points.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('peoples' should be 'people'), incorrect article usage ('the same company' instead of 'same company'), and awkward phrasing ('changing job' should be 'changing jobs'). While the meaning is generally clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on grammatical accuracy and vary sentence structures.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition (e.g., 'job', 'company', 'work') and some inaccuracies (e.g., 'loyality' should be 'loyalty', 'effectives' should be 'effective'). To improve, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and check for spelling errors to enhance clarity and sophistication.
5.5
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing both views on working for the same organization versus changing jobs. However, the development of ideas could be more thorough, with more specific examples to support the points made. For improvement, the writer could elaborate on the benefits of each perspective with concrete examples, which would enhance the overall argument.
6.0

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