Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organisations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Part 1 (Academic)
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

Nowadays, it haves become more common to change jobs and companies throughout one's career. Some people choose to stay loyal to one employer for most of theire working lives, while others think that changing jobs is a better strategy. In this essay i, I will discuss both perspectives of this debate and provide my own opinion. On the one hand, staying with the same company for a long time can hasve several advantages. Firstly, it provides job security and stability, which is highly valued by many people in today's competitive job market. When you work for the same employer, you can build up a reputation and establish yourself as a valuable member of the team. This can lead to promotions, pay rises, and other benefits over time. Secondly, staying with one company allows you to develop deep knowlegdge and expertise in your field. You have the opportunity to take on more responsibility and contribute to the long-term success of the organisation. However, there are also compelling reasons why some people think it is preferable to change jobs regularly. One of the main advantages of this approach is that it can help you to broaden your skill set and gain more diverse experience. By working for diffierent companies, you can expose yourself to new industries, technologies, and ways of working. This can make you more adaptable and employable in the future. In addition, changing jobs can often lead to higher salaries and faster progression up the career ladder. Many people find that they can negotiate better pay and conditions when they move to a new company. In conclusion, there are pros and cons ton both staying with one employer for a long time and switching jobs regularly. In my opinion, it depends on individual circumstances and career goals. For some people, loyalty and stability may be the most important factors, while others may prioritizse diversity and rapid progression. Ultimately, iI believe that a combination of both approaches can be beneficial - —staying with one company for a significant period of time to develop expertise, but also being open to new opportunities when they arise in order to keep growing and developing throughout your careers.
DeletedOriginal textAddedCorrected text

Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the task by discussing both views on job loyalty versus changing jobs, and it provides a personal opinion. Key strengths include a clear structure with distinct paragraphs and a logical flow of ideas. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, spelling, and the use of more varied vocabulary. The structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving spelling, and enhancing coherence with better transitions. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include providing specific examples or statistics to support the arguments and varying sentence structures for greater complexity. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with clear paragraphs, but the flow of ideas could be improved. Some transitions between points are abrupt, which affects the overall coherence. Using more cohesive devices, such as 'furthermore' or 'in addition,' could enhance the connection between ideas.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement ('it have become'), incorrect use of articles, and inconsistent capitalization ('i' instead of 'I'). While the meaning is generally clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition (e.g., 'company' and 'jobs') and some spelling errors (e.g., 'knowlegde,' 'responsibilty,' 'diffirent'). To improve, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and ensure correct spelling to enhance clarity and sophistication.
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing both views on job loyalty versus changing jobs, and it provides a personal opinion. However, the argument could be more developed with clearer examples and a more definitive stance. To improve, the writer could elaborate on specific experiences or statistics that support their points.
6.5

Related Writing Samples

Part 1 (Academic)
8.0

You eat at your college cafeteria every lunch time. However, you think it needs some improvements. Write a letter to the college magazine. In your letter, explain what you like about the cafeteria say what is wrong with it suggest how it could be improved

Part 1 (Academic)
6.5

The graph below shows average carbon dioxide (CO2) emissions per person in the United Kingdom, Sweden, Italy and Portugal between 1967 and 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
6.0

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

The pie charts show the destination of export goods in three countries in 2010.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

The chart below shows the expenditure of two countries on consumer goods in 2010.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

"Violence in playgrounds is increasing. However, it is important that parents should teach children not to hit back at bullies."