Some people work for the same organization all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organizations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Part 2
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

It is a common discussion about wheather it is good to stay in one organization or change it during life. The bBoth sides have their own advantages and disadvantages. I will discuss both thisese views and give my opinion in this esseay. On the one hand, staying in athe same organiszation has many beniefits. Firstly, people can have a stable carreer and do not need to worry about loosing their job. Secondly, they can get promotions more easily because the company knows them well. Thirdly, they can make good relationshipbuild strong professional networks with coworkers and feel comfeortable in the work environment. On the another hand, changing organiszations also has some advantages. Firstly, people can learn new skills and getain different experiences by working in various companies. This can help them to develop their careers and find better job opportunities. Secondly, changing organiszations can prevent boredom and provide new challaenges, which can be motivating for some people. Thirdly, it can help to build a wider network of contacts in the industry. In my opeinion, I think that it depends on individual preferences and carreer goals. Some people may prefer stability and long-term commitment to one organiszation, while others may prefer diversity and new challaenges. Personally, I believe that it is good to have a balance of both. Starting a carreer in one company and staying there for a while to gain experience and build relationships, and then considering changing organiszations if there are better opportunities or if one feels stagnentant, is a reasonable approach. The most important thing is to make decisions based on personal values and aspirations. In conclusion, working for the same organiszation or changing it has both benefits and drawbacks. It is a personal choice that depends on individual circumstances and goals. The key is to find a balance that works best for oneself and to be open to new opportunities while also valuing stability and commitment.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the task by discussing both views on working for the same organization versus changing organizations, and it presents a clear opinion. Key strengths include a logical structure and the inclusion of relevant points. However, critical areas for improvement include spelling errors, grammatical inaccuracies, and the need for more varied vocabulary. Structural changes made include correcting spelling mistakes, improving grammatical accuracy, and enhancing transitions between paragraphs. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include providing specific examples to support arguments and using more sophisticated vocabulary. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with clear paragraphs, but the flow of ideas could be improved. Some transitions between points are abrupt, and the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited. For example, using phrases like 'In addition' or 'Moreover' could enhance the connection between ideas.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, but there are frequent errors in grammar and sentence construction (e.g., 'the both sides', 'On the another hand'). These errors affect clarity and accuracy. To improve, the writer should focus on using correct articles and prepositions, as well as varying sentence structures.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'organation', 'benifits', 'comfertable', 'openion', 'carrer', 'stagnent') that detract from the overall quality. Additionally, the use of more varied and sophisticated vocabulary would improve the score. For example, instead of 'good relationships', one could use 'strong professional networks'.
5.5
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing both views on working for the same organization versus changing organizations. It presents a clear opinion and develops main ideas, but some points could be elaborated further with more specific examples. For instance, discussing specific skills that can be gained from changing jobs would strengthen the argument.
6.5

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