Some secondary schools provide students with a general education across a range of subjects whereas others focus on fewer subjects related to a particular career. Do you think the advantages of a focused education outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Part 2
5.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

Some hight school education is wide instead of deep,; that is a, it is broad one but not very specialised. WhereIn contrast, others focus on a small amountnumber of topics that build towards an employment path which would requires that. This essay will shows some thoughts of if in whether I believe specific or commongeneral topics are gooda better option and why, including my opinions and example ofs from real life. One thought, aargument is that specific learning that builds towards a job can help students become prepared for that type of carreaeer. With only a few subjects to learn about whichthat are connect, theed, learners can more easily see how it connects together inthese topics relate to the work they may do and will have much practice before graduating with those thingskills. On the other hand, a wide education allows you to learn many topics, which may makehelp you discover the thing twhat interests you. Also canIt can also make you a well-rounded person thatwho knows how to communicate ion many topic to many person. Sos with various people. Therefore, there are advantages and disadvantages to the both ways of learning, i believe.n my opinion. In my experience, I had a mix of both types of learning in hight school. I had general required courses like math, language, history, and science, and I also had to pick a focus type also,area; for me, it was scient. So i thinkce. I believe this allowed me a bit of both advantagto benefit from both approaches. I could learn many topics in a basic way to not beavoid ignorance, but I also learned more deeply about the science topics to build towardprepare for university courses in that field in the future. So i doThus, I prefer the mixed approach based on my life experience. In conclusion, I wrote aboutdiscussed the positives and negatives of focused learning compared to general learning in school. Focused education allows for more connections to future work and deeper study. But, while general education includes many topics to learn the basics and become well-rounded. I shared my thoughts that iI prefer a mix of both frombased on my example. SoTherefore, there are good and bad to each wayaspects to each approach, but iI prefer a blend rather than only 1 fullyfully committing to just one. Both have some advantages over the other in the end.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and presents a personal opinion, which is a key strength. The structure is generally appropriate, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, critical areas for improvement include the need for more specific examples and a deeper exploration of the advantages and disadvantages of each educational approach. The essay also contained numerous grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that hindered clarity. Structural changes made include improving the clarity of topic sentences and ensuring smoother transitions between ideas. Additionally, spelling and grammatical errors were corrected to enhance overall readability. For further improvements, the writer could focus on expanding their vocabulary and using more varied sentence structures to enhance the essay's complexity. Additionally, providing more detailed examples would strengthen the argument. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and reflective style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is sometimes disrupted by awkward phrasing and unclear connections between sentences. To enhance coherence, the writer should use clearer topic sentences and linking phrases to guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
5.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues, incorrect verb forms, and awkward sentence structures. These errors occasionally hinder clarity and understanding. To improve, the writer should practice using a wider range of grammatical structures accurately and ensure that sentences are well-formed and clear.
4.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several instances of incorrect word forms and spelling errors (e.g., 'hightschool', 'gooder', 'carrear', 'advantag'). While some varied vocabulary is present, the overall lexical range is limited. To improve, the writer should focus on using more precise and varied vocabulary, ensuring correct spelling and word forms.
5.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both focused and general education, presenting a personal opinion and examples. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited, and the argument lacks depth and clarity in places. To improve, the writer could provide more specific examples and elaborate on the advantages and disadvantages of each educational approach.
5.0

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