Some students work while studying. This often results in lacking time for education and constantly feeling under pressure. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

Part 2
5.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

Nowadays, many studentis are working while they are studying. This leads to a lack of the time and pressure in their lifves. There are several reasons behind this situastion which iI will discuss in this aessay. I will also suggest some solutions to address this issu. e. One of the meain reasons why students work during their studyies is financial problaems. Many students come from poor families, and they have to work to support themselfves and their educations. AFurthermore, another reason is to gain some work experience. Students believe that having a job will help them to find a better job after graduastion. In addition, some students work because they want to be independaent and not rely on their parents for money. To address this problem, iI think universities should offer more financial support to students who needs it. This can be in the form of scholarships or loanes with low interest rates. GMoreover, governments should also provide more funding for educastion to reduce the financial burdoen on students. Another solution is for universities to offer flexible study options, such as part-time courses or online learning. This will allow students to balance their work and study commitmaents more easily. In conclusiaon, financial difficulties and the desire for work experience are the main reasons why students work while studying. To solve this problem, universities and the governments should provide more financial support and flexible study options. This will help students to focus on their educastion without feeling under pressure.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task, addressing both the reasons students work while studying and potential solutions. Key strengths include a logical structure and a clear progression of ideas. However, critical areas for improvement include the need for more depth in the development of ideas, as well as a wider range of vocabulary and grammatical accuracy. The structural changes made include correcting spelling errors, improving grammatical accuracy, and enhancing coherence with better transitions between ideas. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include providing specific examples or statistics to support the arguments and varying sentence structures to enhance grammatical range. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, with clear paragraphs for causes and solutions. However, the use of cohesive devices is basic, and transitions between ideas could be smoother. For instance, using phrases like 'Furthermore' or 'Moreover' could enhance the flow of ideas. Improving the overall coherence by ensuring each paragraph clearly relates to the main argument would also be beneficial.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues and incorrect verb forms (e.g., 'they studying' should be 'they are studying'). The sentence structures are mostly simple, with limited variety. To enhance this score, the writer should aim to use a wider range of grammatical structures and ensure accuracy in their writing.
4.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'studentis', 'situasion', 'assay', 'problams', 'independant', 'lones', 'educasion', 'burdon', 'commitmants', 'conclusian') that detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary accurately and checking for spelling errors before submission.
5.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing the causes of students working while studying and suggesting solutions. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited, and the examples provided lack depth. To improve, the writer could elaborate on the points made, providing specific examples or statistics to strengthen their argument.
5.0

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