Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main course, while others believe it is more important to give their time and attention to studying for their qualifications. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Part 1 (Academic)
7.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

In today's world, there is biga significant discussion about whether university students should focus only on their main subjects or study additional courses tooas well. While some people think it's better to concentrate on gettachieving good grades in their mainprimary qualification, I believe that learning other subjects can bring many benefits for students. First of all, when students study only their main course, they can spend more time to understanding difficult topics. For example, when I was studying engineering, some of my classmates who focused onsolely on engineering subjects gotachieved better marks than meI did because they had more time for practicing complex calculations. They always studied in the library and didn't waste time foron other activities. This dedication helped them to graduate with higher grades, which was goodadvantageous for finding a job later. However, I strongly thinkbelieve that learning additional subjects can make students more successful in the future. In my experience, I took some business classes while studying engineering, and this knowledge helped me very muchas been extremely beneficial in my career. Now I understand how companies workoperate and can talk with managers better. Alsocommunicate more effectively with managers. Additionally, when students learn differentverse subjects, they develop their brain in differentcognitive abilities in various ways and become more creative with solving problems.-solving. Moreover, extra subjects help students to meet new people from other courses. Like inFor instance, at my university, I made friends with students from the economics department when I took a finance class. These connections are very invaluable because they can sometimes they can help in finding good job opportunities or starting a business together. And alsoFurthermore, studying different thingsubjects makes university life more interesting and not boring.engaging and less monotonous. In conclusion, although focusing onsolely on maina primary qualification can help getstudents achieve better grades, I believe that learning additional subjects bringoffers more advantages. It helps develop different skills, makes usefula range of skills, fosters valuable connections with other students, and better prepares better foindividuals for their future careers. Universities should encourage students to explore differentvarious subjects while they have this opportunity.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates several strengths, including a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The argument is well-articulated, presenting a balanced view of the topic while clearly supporting the benefits of studying additional subjects. The use of examples adds credibility to the argument. However, there are critical areas for improvement. The essay could benefit from more specific examples to strengthen the argument and a more balanced exploration of the opposing view. Additionally, some transitions between ideas could be smoother, and the vocabulary could be varied further to avoid repetition. Minor grammatical errors and awkward phrases should also be addressed for greater accuracy and sophistication. The structural changes made include enhancing the clarity of the introduction, improving transitions between paragraphs, and refining some phrases for a more formal tone. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating more varied vocabulary and additional examples to support the arguments more robustly. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Ideas are logically sequenced, and cohesive devices are used, such as 'first of all,' 'however,' and 'moreover.' However, some transitions could be smoother, and the flow could be improved by varying the use of cohesive devices.
7.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures, with mostly accurate usage. There are minor errors, such as 'in library' (should be 'in the library') and awkward constructions like 'develop their brain in different ways.' These do not significantly impede understanding but could be improved for greater accuracy and sophistication.
7.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate and varied, with phrases like 'complex calculations,' 'develop their brain,' and 'valuable connections.' However, there are instances of repetition, such as 'students' and 'subjects,' which could be replaced with synonyms to enhance lexical variety. Additionally, some phrases could be more formal to suit the academic tone.
7.5
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing both views regarding university students' focus on their main subjects versus additional courses. It presents a clear opinion that supports the benefits of studying additional subjects. However, the argument could be strengthened with more specific examples and a more balanced exploration of the opposing view.
7.5

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