Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for qualification. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Part 2
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

My view on this topic is that is students should learning other courses while doing their main subject, as well as peoplthe believing it is of thef that it is importancet to spend all their time studying forto obtaining a degree, i. I will explain. Spending all time to only studheir time studying only their chosen course has its benefits. The sStudents have enough time for their main subjects so they can, allowing them to grasp a better undersatanding of the course and this, which can help them become an experts. When they do workfocus on their subject, they can getbecome more qualified and this will, improoveing their chances tof getting a job in the future. For example M, my cousin studied engineering for five years and he didn' not learn other subjects because the syllabus iwas too much so there isextensive, leaving no time. He gotachieved the highest marks and is currently working in the biga large company right now. But. On the other hand, I also agree with the opposite argument that students should learn about other subject as wells in addition to their main course. If students study only one subject always, they getain very limited knnowledge overall and they will not able tomay not learn about other things or pursue their hobbyies. Theyis can getlead to boredom and sometimes losea loss of interest in studying their main subject too. If the. By learning other things too, it will refreshes their mind and they can focus on study better. So ms, enabling them to focus better on their studies. Many great inventions arehave been made by the people who have studied different subjects, ands the connectiions ofbetween knowledges helps them to think bettercritically and create new things. As I explained, in my opinion it is goodideas. In conclusion, I believe it is beneficial for students to spend some time learning about the other subjects, ands it can also help them to improve in their main subject too. The main. While the primary focus should be on gettobtaining qualification buts, a balanced approach is equally important too. They. Students should divide their time and set goals that helps them to work on their main course butwhile also learn about other things thatexploring other interests they likeenjoy.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task by discussing both perspectives on whether students should focus solely on their main subjects or also learn additional courses. Key strengths include a logical structure with distinct paragraphs for each viewpoint and relevant examples to support the arguments. However, critical areas for improvement include enhancing the clarity of arguments and providing more specific examples. The transitions between ideas could be smoother, and the essay contained several spelling and grammatical errors that detracted from its overall quality. The revised version addressed these issues by correcting spelling mistakes, improving grammatical accuracy, and refining the flow of ideas with better transitions. Further improvements could include using more sophisticated vocabulary and varying sentence structures to enhance the overall quality of the writing. Additionally, the tone is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, with clear paragraphs for each viewpoint. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother, and some sentences are awkwardly constructed, which affects the overall flow. Using more cohesive devices, such as 'on the one hand' and 'on the other hand,' could enhance clarity.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including issues with subject-verb agreement and sentence structure. For example, 'student should learn' should be 'students should learn.' While the writer attempts to use complex sentences, the frequent errors hinder clarity. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'undersatnding,' 'improove,' 'knnowledge,' 'connectiions') that detract from the overall quality. The writer demonstrates some range in vocabulary but could benefit from using more sophisticated expressions and avoiding repetition of phrases like 'main subject.'
5.5
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing both views regarding students learning additional subjects versus focusing solely on their main subjects. However, the argument could be more clearly articulated, and the conclusion could be more definitive. To improve, the writer should ensure that each point is fully developed with more specific examples and clearer reasoning.
6.0

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