Songs "Xin chao Viet Nam" and origin from France
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
The essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the task by comparing two songs, which is a key strength. However, it lacks depth and clarity in some areas, particularly in the explanation of the songs' themes. The overall structure is present, but the flow of ideas could be improved with clearer transitions and linking phrases. Critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, as there are several errors that detract from the overall quality. Additionally, the vocabulary used is somewhat repetitive and contains inaccuracies, which could be addressed by using a wider range of vocabulary and ensuring correct word forms. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving sentence structures, and enhancing coherence through better transitions. For further improvements, the writer could provide more specific details about the songs and their significance, as well as explore the cultural context of the songs in greater depth. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal style throughout.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion, but the flow of ideas is sometimes unclear. There are instances of awkward phrasing and transitions that could be improved for better coherence. For example, using clearer linking words and phrases would enhance the logical progression of ideas.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The writing contains numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('There have two songs is very popular'), incorrect verb forms, and awkward sentence structures. While the meaning is generally understandable, these errors detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on grammatical accuracy and vary sentence structures.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several repetitive phrases and some inaccuracies, such as 'France people' instead of 'French people' and 'falled' instead of 'fell.' To improve, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and avoid repetition, while also ensuring correct word forms.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The writing addresses the task by comparing two songs, but it lacks depth and clarity in some areas. The explanation of the songs' themes is somewhat vague and could be more developed. For improvement, the writer should provide more specific details about the songs and their significance, as well as ensure that the main ideas are clearly articulated.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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