Space travel has been possible for some time and some people claim that space tourism could be developed in the future. Do you think it is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Part 2
6.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

In today's world, more and more people are believinge that space travel, which ihas already been possible now for a long time, can be turned into space tourism in the future. I think this is a positive development, because of for several reasons. Firstly, space toursism will help humans to learn more about space. WhenAs more people will started going to the space, they will bring back lota wealth of knowledge and experience whichthat can be used by scientists to understand space better. For example, astronauts who went to the moon brought back loa significant amount of information about the moon's surface and atmosphere, which helped scientists to learn more about it. Similarly, space tourists will also bring back valuable informations which that can be used for further research. Secondly, space tourism will also help incontribute to the development of new technologies. To make space tourism possible, scientists and engineers will have to work hard to develop new technologies, such as betterimproved spacecraft, better and enhanced life support system, etcs. These new technologies will not only be useful for space tourism, but can also be usapplied in other areas, such as medicine, and transportation, etc. For examplinstance, the technology used in space suits can be usadapted to makcreate better protective gears for firefighters and other emergency workers. In conclusion, I believe that the development of space tourism is a positive thing, as it will help in increasinge our knowledge about space and also lead to the development of new technologies whichthat can be used in many other areas.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the positive aspects of space tourism and providing relevant examples to support the argument. Key strengths include a clear structure with distinct paragraphs and a logical flow of ideas. However, critical areas for improvement include the need for a more balanced view that acknowledges potential negative aspects or counterarguments, as well as enhancing the conclusion to summarize key points more effectively. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving transitions, and varying vocabulary to avoid repetition. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating a counterargument to provide a more balanced perspective and enhancing the use of cohesive devices for smoother transitions. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and informative style.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally coherent, with a logical flow of ideas. However, some transitions between sentences and paragraphs could be smoother. For instance, the use of cohesive devices could be improved to enhance the overall clarity. Phrases like 'Firstly' and 'Secondly' are helpful, but more varied linking words could strengthen the connections between ideas.
6.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors that affect clarity. For example, 'more people will started going' should be 'more people will start going', and 'development new technologies' should be 'development of new technologies'. These errors, along with some awkward constructions, indicate a need for greater accuracy and refinement in grammar.
6.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the topic, with some good examples of relevant terms (e.g., 'space tourism', 'life support system'). However, there are instances of repetition, such as 'lot of knowledge' and 'lot of information', which could be replaced with synonyms for greater variety. Additionally, minor spelling errors like 'toursim' and 'informations' detract from the overall lexical quality.
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the positive aspects of space tourism, providing relevant examples to support the argument. However, it could benefit from a more balanced view by acknowledging potential negative aspects or counterarguments. Additionally, the conclusion could be more impactful by summarizing the key points more effectively.
7.0

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