Students are becoming more and more reliant on the Internet. While the Internet is convenient, it has many negative effects and its use for educational purposes should be restricted. How far do you agree with this statement?

Part 2
5.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

'Nowadays, students have all becaome depend toent on the internet for study. Some people say this is bad, but iI do not agree fullyfully agree. I think that the internet has both benefits and also negatives, and we need to consider the both sides inof this issue. One side, one hand, the internet makes it easy for students to find more informations about their studyies. In past time, only can find informations othe past, information could only be found in books in libraryies, but now all is easy in internet by searcheverything is easily accessible on the internet through search engines. This helps students to be good inexcel in their studyies because havethey have access to more knowledges. For example, when writeing an essay, students can find many examples onlinternete to help them write more better. Alsodditionally, by using the internets, students can discuss their studies with freiends or teacher about studys even when they are not in school. On the other hand, the internet can also have negative for educationeffects ofn students' education. First isly, some websites on internet not goodare not suitable for students, like website for pornography or bad thingssuch as those containing pornography or other inappropriate content. This can be biga significant distraction for students and makecan cause them to lose focus on their studyies. Moreover, students can become addicted to the internet if usethey spend too much time. For exampl online. For instance, many students play games on the internet all day and not doeglect their homework, twhisch can make very bad for study. So, i thinkbe detrimental to their academic performance. Therefore, I believe schools should haveimplement some control onver internet use by student so not become too muchs to prevent excessive usage. In conclusion, i halfI partially agree towith thise statement. IThe internet haves many advantages like, such as providing access to more informations for study and facilitating communicateion with others, but it also has negatives like distraction and addiction. SoThus, iI think schools should allow use internet use but with some rules socertain rules in place so that students can benefit but nowithout loseing focus on study.their studies.'
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and addresses both the positive and negative aspects of internet use in education. Key strengths include the identification of relevant points and examples that support the argument. However, critical areas for improvement include the need for more depth in the arguments presented and a clearer stance on the writer's position. Structural changes made include improving the clarity of the introduction and body paragraphs, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supporting details. Transition phrases were added to enhance the flow of ideas between paragraphs. Further improvements that could be implemented include expanding on specific examples to illustrate points more effectively and varying sentence structures to enhance grammatical range. Additionally, the writer could work on using a wider range of vocabulary to avoid repetition and awkward phrasing. The tone of the essay is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining a formal style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is somewhat disjointed, and transitions between points could be smoother. For instance, the use of cohesive devices is limited, which affects the overall clarity. Improving the logical progression of ideas and using more linking words would enhance coherence.
5.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, but there are frequent errors in grammar and sentence construction (e.g., 'i not agree fully' should be 'I do not fully agree'). These errors sometimes hinder clarity. To improve, the writer should focus on using correct grammatical forms and varying sentence structures to enhance accuracy.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several instances of repetition and awkward phrasing (e.g., 'student all became depend to internet'). There are also some grammatical errors in word forms (e.g., 'informations' should be 'information'). To improve, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and avoid repetitive phrases.
5.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the positive and negative aspects of internet use for educational purposes. However, the position is not fully developed, and the argument lacks depth and specific examples. To improve, the writer could provide more detailed examples and a clearer stance on the extent of agreement with the statement.
5.5

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