Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Part 2
5.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

Nowadays, earning a lots of money by doing sports professionally is a hot topic discussed ofby many peoples. Some of them thinks this is justified, while others do not agree because seethey see it as unfairly. I will talk ofdiscuss both opinions in this essay and try to give my thoughts. One the one hand, peoples who think it is justified that sportistathletes earn more givesprovide several reasons. First, their sayy argue that sportsmen havingpossess rare athletic abilityies and hard work to bwork hard to be the best. This makes it logical that they should be paid highly. Second, they thinks pro sportists career very short, sobelieve that professional athletes have very short careers, so they need to make money fastquickly in a short time, unot like doctors or lawyers who can work for a long time. Also, pro sport makdditionally, professional sports contribute bsignificantly to the economy inthrough tickets sellingales and merchandise. In On the other hands, peoples who think it is unfair argue that sports celebrityies' salaries are too high comparinged to importance workt professions like doctors and teachers. They savinge lifves and educatinge the young, which haves more value to society than simply kicking a ball. They see not it as unfair that teachers earn low salaries while footbalistlers drive fast cars just because runningthey run on a field. In my opinion, I agree that sports salaries are too high, but the free market decides prices, not ethics. I see professional sportistathletes getting paid based on how much peoples are willing to paying for to watch them. ButHowever, I wishes governments would makecreate a better balance by taxing rich sportists high,wealthy athletes heavily and using that money to increase the salaries of important jobs. This way, sportistsathletes would still earning what the market allows, but bythrough taxes, doctors and teachers canould livinge better life, andves, making society more fairer.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task by discussing both views regarding the salaries of sports professionals and providing a personal opinion. Key strengths include the identification of both perspectives and a personal stance, which is essential for Task 2. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, coherence, and the development of ideas. The essay contained several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement and incorrect verb forms, which hindered clarity. Additionally, the use of cohesive devices was limited, affecting the overall flow of ideas. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving phrasing, and enhancing the use of linking words to improve coherence. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include providing specific examples to support arguments and expanding the vocabulary range to avoid repetition. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is sometimes disrupted by awkward phrasing and grammatical errors. The use of cohesive devices is limited, which affects the overall clarity. To improve, the writer should focus on using linking words and phrases more effectively to connect ideas, such as 'Furthermore' or 'In addition'.
5.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues and incorrect verb forms, such as 'earn lots money by do sport' and 'peoples who thinks'. These errors hinder clarity and reduce the overall effectiveness of the writing. To improve, the writer should focus on sentence structure and ensure subject-verb agreement, as well as using correct verb forms.
4.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition and awkward phrasing, such as 'sportists' instead of 'athletes' and 'peoples' instead of 'people'. The essay could benefit from a wider range of vocabulary and more precise word choices. For example, using terms like 'financial compensation' instead of 'money' would enhance the lexical resource.
5.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing both views regarding the salaries of sports professionals and providing a personal opinion. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited, and the arguments could be more clearly articulated. For improvement, the writer should ensure that each point is fully explained and supported with relevant examples. For instance, elaborating on how sports contribute to the economy could strengthen the argument.
5.5

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