Talk about an illness that you or someone you know has experienced. You should say: What the illness was What the symptoms were How it was treated and explain how it affected the person's life.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

I want to talking about an illness that my father haved. It was a heart attack. My father haved it two years before,ago when I was 16 years old. He was havingexperienced a lot of symptoms before the heart attack happeningoccurred, but we doesidn't kneow it was thea heart problem. The symptoms was like thiere as follows: my father feelinglt very tired all the time, even when he had just wakingoken up in the morning. Also, sometimes he have ad pain in his chest, but he think itought it was just because he was working too much. Another symptom iswas that he sometimes feelinglt dizzy, likeas if everything was spinning around. ButHowever, he never went to the doctor for a check-up, because he always sayid he iwas fine. The way the heart attack was treated is he mustwas that he had to go to the hospital. In the hospital, the doctor do a surgery for him,s performed surgery to fix thehis heart. After the surgery, he musthad to stay in the hospital for two weeks, and then before he canould come back home. But eEven after comreturning home, he musthad to take medicine every day and cannot doould not engage in too much activity. The heart attack affectinged my father's life a lotsignificantly. Before, he always workinged hard, but now he cannot work anymore. He must rest all the time. Alsodditionally, he cannot eat his favourite foods, like fried chicken, because the doctor sayid it's not good for his heart. My father's mood also change,d; he becoame more sad and sometimes angry. It make me andThis change makes my mother and me sad to see him like this. In conclusion, the heart attack was a very badserious illness for my father. It changed his life a lot, and also affectinged our family. I wish we knewhad known about the symptom before, so we cans earlier so we could have taken him to the doctor and maybe prevented the heart attack. But now we just try to support him and help him to get better.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the task by discussing the illness experienced by the writer's father, detailing symptoms, treatment, and the impact on his life. Key strengths include a clear structure and a logical progression of ideas. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, particularly with subject-verb agreement and verb tenses, as well as the use of more varied vocabulary to enhance the description of symptoms and emotions. Structural changes made include correcting verb forms and improving sentence clarity, particularly in the introduction and body paragraphs. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include providing more specific examples of how the illness affected daily life and relationships, as well as incorporating more cohesive devices to enhance the flow of ideas. The tone used is appropriate for the context, conveying a personal and emotional reflection on a serious family issue.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, but the flow of ideas could be improved. Some sentences are awkwardly constructed, which disrupts the coherence. For instance, phrases like 'the heart attack happening' could be rephrased for clarity. Using more cohesive devices, such as 'furthermore' or 'in addition,' would enhance the connection between ideas.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The writing contains numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('my father have' should be 'my father had') and incorrect verb tenses. While the meaning is generally clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on using correct verb forms and sentence structures, as well as proofreading for minor mistakes.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several instances of repetition and incorrect word forms, such as 'ilness' instead of 'illness' and 'affecting' instead of 'affected.' The writer could benefit from using a wider range of vocabulary and more precise terms to describe symptoms and emotions, which would elevate the overall quality.
5.0
Task Achievement
The response addresses the task by discussing an illness experienced by the writer's father, detailing symptoms, treatment, and the impact on his life. However, the explanation lacks depth in some areas, such as the specific treatment details and the emotional impact on the family. To improve, the writer could provide more specific examples of how the illness affected daily life and relationships.
6.0

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