Technology's advancement merit and demerit

Part 1 (General)
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

Technology haves been steadily progressing in the last century. It haves both benefits and drawbacks to our life. Ives. This essay will examine both sides of this issue in this essay. On the one hand, technology haves greatly improved our quality of life. For example, with the internet, we can access vast amounts of informations and communicate with people all over the world. AdditionallyFurthermore, medical technology haves advanced to the point where we can treat many diseases that were once fatal. TAdditionally, technology have alsos made our lifeves more convenient, with devices like smartphones and laptops that allow us to work and stay connected from anywhere. On the other hand, there are also some negative aspects to technology's advancement. One concern is that people are becoming too dependent on technology. Many peopleindividuals cannot function without their phones or computers, and thiswhich can lead to addiction and other mental health issues. There are also concerns about privacy and security, as our personal informations is increasingly being collected and stored by tech companies. AdditionallyMoreover, some people worry that technology is replacing human jobs and leading to unemployment. In conclusion, while technology haves brought many benefits to our lifeves, we must also be aware of the potential drawbacks. It is important to find a balance and use technology in a way that enhances our lifeves without becoming too reliant on it. Only then can we truly reap the benefits of technological advancement.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the topic of technology's advancement, discussing both its merits and demerits. Key strengths include a clear structure and relevant examples that support the arguments. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, particularly with subject-verb agreement and verb forms, as well as enhancing coherence through smoother transitions and varied vocabulary. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving transitions between points, and refining the introduction and conclusion for clarity. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating more varied vocabulary and idiomatic expressions to enhance lexical resource. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay presents ideas in a logical order, but the transitions between points could be smoother. Some sentences feel abrupt, and the use of cohesive devices is limited. For example, using phrases like 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' could enhance the flow of ideas. Improving the linking of ideas would strengthen coherence.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ('technology have' should be 'technology has') and incorrect verb forms ('progress' should be 'progressing'). These errors affect clarity and accuracy. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical correctness and varying sentence structures to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical ability.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition (e.g., 'technology have' and 'benefit'). The writer could enhance their lexical resource by incorporating more varied vocabulary and idiomatic expressions. For instance, instead of 'greatly improve,' they could use 'significantly enhance' to demonstrate a wider range of vocabulary.
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the topic of technology's advancement, discussing both its merits and demerits. However, it lacks a clear and concise introduction and conclusion, which diminishes the overall effectiveness. To improve, the writer could provide a more structured introduction that outlines the main points and a stronger conclusion that summarizes the key arguments.
6.5

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