Television as powerful educational tool or mindless entertainment? What extent do you agree or disagree?

Part 2
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

In this modern day, television has becaome a necessary part of our lives. It can be both a powerful edukcational tool and a soursce of mindless entertayinment. In my opinion, I believe that television has the potenstial to be a great resource for learning, but it can also can be a waste of time if not used propaerly. On the one hand, television offers a wide range of edukcational programs that can help people learn about various topics. For example, there are many documentaryies and news programs that provide informastion about current events, history, and science. These programs can be very informative and help people expand theire knowledge. Additionally, some television channels are dedicated to learning, such as the Discovery Channel and National Geographic, which offer high-quality edukcational content. On the other hand, television also has a lot of mindless entertayinment that can be a waste of time. Many people spend hours watching reality shows, sitcoms, and other programs that do not provide any edukcational value. These types of shows can be addictive and can take away from time that could be spent on more produkctive activities. Furthermore, some television content can be harmful, such as violent or sexually explicit material, which can have a negative impact on viewers, especially children. In conclusion, I believe that television has the potenstial to be both a powerful edukcational tool and a source of mindless entertayinment. It is up to the individual to choose what they watch and how they use television. If used wisely, television can be a great resource for learning and personal growth. However, if used excessively or for the wrong reasons, it can be a waste of time and even harmful. Therefore, it is important for people to be mindful of their television viewing habits and to use it in a way that benefits them.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument regarding television as an educational tool and a source of entertainment. Key strengths include a clear opinion and relevant examples that support the main ideas. However, critical areas for improvement include spelling accuracy, grammatical correctness, and the use of more varied cohesive devices to enhance coherence. Structural changes made include correcting spelling errors, improving grammatical accuracy, and ensuring proper subject-verb agreement. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating more specific examples of educational programs and studies on the impact of television. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally coherent, with a logical structure that includes an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the use of cohesive devices could be improved. For example, transitions between ideas could be smoother, and the use of linking words could enhance the flow of the essay. Phrases like 'on the one hand' and 'on the other hand' are used, but more varied cohesive devices would improve the overall coherence.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('has became' should be 'has become') and incorrect verb forms ('offer' should be 'offers'). Additionally, there are awkward constructions that affect clarity. While the writer demonstrates some grammatical range, the errors are frequent enough to hinder understanding. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'edukational', 'sourse', 'potensial', 'wast', 'informasion', 'documentaryes', 'addictiv', 'produktive') that detract from the overall quality. While some appropriate vocabulary is used, the frequent misspellings indicate a lack of accuracy. To improve, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary accurately and checking for spelling errors.
5.5
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument regarding television as an educational tool and a source of entertainment. It presents a clear opinion and develops main ideas with relevant examples. However, the argument could be strengthened with more specific examples and a more nuanced exploration of the topic. For instance, discussing specific educational programs or studies on the impact of television could enhance the argument.
6.5

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