The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Part 2
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

Nowadays, some people saying that in the future, peoples will have worser health than they do currently is. I completely agree onwith this opinion. There is someare several reasons for thatis, which I will explain in this essays. F The first reason, is that our foods and eating habits are gettbecoming less healthiery. In the past, peoples used to eat more natural foods, like fruits and vegetables, but now we eatconsume too much processed food like, such as frozen meals and fast foods. This leads to badpoor nutrition, makeing us gain wait,eight and become fatter. The fFast food make us eating to muchcauses us to consume unhealthy oils and sugars, so many peoples have badresulting in many people suffering from healthy problems like diabetes or heart attacks, espescially older people. The pindividuals. Processed foods also have lesscontain fewer vitamins and minerals that isare important for our bodyies. With poor nutrition forover a long time, our bodies just getting moreare becoming weaker and sick over time. Ser. The second reason, is that people are less active and exercise less than before. BTecause of tehnology has makde life easy, likeier, with machines at work and at home doing everything, leading people justo sit around more than in the past wheren we needed to be more active. And kidsdditionally, children are playing video games or using phones instead of going outside to play sports. Without moveing their bodyies and doengaging in physical thingactivities, our body geties become weaker over times and cannot fight illnesses as good. Soeffectively. Therefore, combined with eating unhealthy foods, our body don't get strong exercise and cannot fightingeating habits, our bodies do not receive the strong exercise needed to combat diseases properly. So I think inI believe that in the future, obesity levels and chronic illnesses will go up.increase. In sum upmary, I completely agree onthat people's health getting worseis deteriorating in the futures. Because of the badDue to the negative changinges in our diets and lazincreasingly sedentary lifestiyles, our health justwill continue going downto decline over times, makecausing many peoples to become sick in old age. If we don' not changinge these bad habits soon, I am Aafraid for the future generations that their lives will be much less healthy when they growing up compared to uours now.
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Expert Feedback

The essay presents a clear position on the topic and is structured with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is a key strength. The main ideas are relevant and logically connected, but the development of these ideas could be enhanced with more specific examples or statistics to support the claims made. Critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, spelling, and vocabulary range. The essay contains several grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that disrupt the flow of ideas. Additionally, there are instances of incorrect word forms and spelling mistakes that need to be addressed. The use of cohesive devices could also be improved to enhance the logical progression of ideas. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving sentence clarity, and enhancing the flow of ideas with better transitions. The overall structure was maintained, but some sentences were rephrased for clarity and coherence. For further improvements, the writer could incorporate specific examples or statistics to strengthen their arguments and vary their vocabulary to avoid repetition. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical accuracy and practicing complex sentence structures would be beneficial. The tone of the essay is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is occasionally disrupted by awkward phrasing and grammatical errors. The use of cohesive devices is present but could be more varied and effective. For instance, using linking words such as 'furthermore' or 'in addition' could enhance the logical progression of ideas.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues, incorrect verb forms, and sentence fragments. For example, 'peoples will have worser health' should be 'people will have worse health.' While the writer demonstrates some ability to use complex sentences, the frequent errors detract from overall clarity. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and practicing sentence structure.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several instances of incorrect word forms and spelling errors (e.g., 'worser,' 'completly,' 'leadto,' 'ilness'). Additionally, there is some repetition of words like 'people' and 'food.' To improve, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and ensure correct spelling and word forms.
5.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by clearly stating a position of agreement regarding the decline in health standards in the future. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited, and the examples provided could be more specific and detailed. To improve, the writer could include statistics or studies to support their claims about health issues and dietary changes.
6.0

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