The bar chart below shows estimated world illiteracy rates by region and by gender for the last year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

According to information showpresented in the bar graph, which presentillustrates the illiteracy rates for the world by gender and region for the previous year. T, there are some interesting observations that can be made. In general, the rates of illiteracy are much higher among the Ffemales group compared to Mmales. For example, in Dthe developed countries region, the illiteracy rate for Ffemales is around 4%, while for Mmales it is only about 2%. This trends can be seen across all of the regions, where females always have an illiteracy rate that areis nearly doubles that of males. Also Additionally, there are larges differences between the regions in the overall illiteracy rate. The rates isare very low in Ddeveloped countries, around 3% on average for both genders. WhileIn contrast, in regions such likeas sub-Saharan Africa, the rates are as high as 40% for women and 20% for men's, showing a hugesignificant gender divide. South and wWest aAsia also have quite high illiteratecy rates, especially among the female populations at, with over 40% unable to read. To conclude, the graph clearly demonstrate clearlys that illiteracy remains a significant problem in many regions of the world, and females are affected much worse than males nearly everywhere. The dDeveloped countries have very lows levels, but other areas are still struggling still with basic literacy for a large portion of their citizens.
DeletedOriginal textAddedCorrected text

Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the task by summarizing the main features of the bar chart and making relevant comparisons. Key strengths include a logical structure and the identification of significant trends. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, clarity in presenting data, and the use of varied vocabulary. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving coherence with better transitions, and ensuring accurate representation of data. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include enhancing the range of vocabulary and refining sentence structures for greater clarity. The tone used is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining a formal and informative style.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, but the flow of ideas could be improved. Some sentences are awkwardly constructed, which affects the overall coherence. For instance, the transition between discussing gender differences and regional differences could be smoother. Using more cohesive devices and clearer topic sentences would enhance the clarity of the writing.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The writing contains several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ('the rates is very low'), incorrect article usage ('the develop countries'), and awkward phrasing ('which present the illiteracy rates'). These errors detract from the overall clarity. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition (e.g., 'illiteracy rates' and 'females') and some inaccuracies (e.g., 'larges differences' should be 'large differences'). To improve, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and avoid redundancy, perhaps by employing synonyms or varied expressions.
6.0
Task Achievement
The response addresses the task by summarizing the main features of the bar chart and making relevant comparisons. However, it lacks some clarity in presenting the data, and there are minor inaccuracies in the figures mentioned. To improve, the writer should ensure that all data is accurately represented and consider providing a clearer overview of the trends observed.
6.5

Related Writing Samples

Part 1 (Academic)
8.0

You eat at your college cafeteria every lunch time. However, you think it needs some improvements. Write a letter to the college magazine. In your letter, explain what you like about the cafeteria say what is wrong with it suggest how it could be improved

Part 1 (Academic)
6.5

The graph below shows average carbon dioxide (CO2) emissions per person in the United Kingdom, Sweden, Italy and Portugal between 1967 and 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
6.0

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

The pie charts show the destination of export goods in three countries in 2010.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

The chart below shows the expenditure of two countries on consumer goods in 2010.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

"Violence in playgrounds is increasing. However, it is important that parents should teach children not to hit back at bullies."