The bar chart below shows the sector contributions to India's gross domestic product from 1960 to 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

The bar chart illustrates the contributions of three sector fors to India's gross domestic product (GDP) over 4 ten a 40-years period, from 1960 to 2000. The sectors are agriculture, industry, and services. Overall, the share of agriculture in GDP decreased significantly, while both the industry and service sectors increased over the time period. In 1960, agriculture was clearly the dominant sector, accounting for around 50% of India's GDP. Industry and services had much lower shares of around 20% each. However, this pattern changed dramatically by 2000. The percentage for agriculture dropped steadily each decade, reaching just over 20% in 2000. In contrast, both industry and service boths saw gradual rises. The service sector overtook agriculture as the largest contributor in 1990 at roughly 40%. It continued growing to about 50% by 2000. Industry also grew but at a slower rate, ending up around 30% in 2000. In summary, the biggesmost significant change was the decline in agriculture's share of GDP, which fell by half. At the same time, services emerged as the dominant sector, followed by industry. This reflects the shift in India's economy away from agriculture towards services and industry over these 4four decades.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task, effectively summarizing the main features of the bar chart and making relevant comparisons. Key strengths include a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a summary. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, particularly in subject-verb agreement and article usage, as well as enhancing coherence through better use of cohesive devices. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving clarity, and ensuring proper transitions between ideas. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include varying vocabulary to avoid repetition and incorporating more sophisticated expressions. The tone used is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining a formal and objective style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some sentences could be better linked for improved flow. For example, using phrases like 'In addition' or 'Furthermore' could enhance the connection between ideas. Improving the overall flow would help achieve a higher score.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The writing contains several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement ('illustrate' should be 'illustrates'), incorrect article usage ('the contribution of three sector' should be 'the contributions of three sectors'), and awkward constructions ('reach just over 20%'). While the overall meaning is clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition (e.g., 'sector' and 'GDP'). The use of phrases like 'significant decrease' and 'dominant sector' shows some range, but more varied vocabulary could enhance the writing. To improve, the writer could incorporate synonyms and more sophisticated expressions to convey the same ideas.
6.0
Task Achievement
The response addresses the task by summarizing the main features of the bar chart and making relevant comparisons. However, it lacks some clarity in presenting the data, and there are minor inaccuracies in the details provided. To improve, the writer could ensure that all data points are accurately represented and provide clearer comparisons between the sectors.
6.5

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