The bar chart below shows the top ten countries for the production and consumption of electricity in 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

The bar chart is showings the top ten countryies for produceing and useing electricity in 2014. The China is has the highest production and consumption of electricity, at around 5,500 billion kilowatt-hours. The United States is second, producing and consuming about 4,000 billion kilowatt-hours of electricity. There is biga significant differentce between the China and the United States compared to the other countries in the chart. The Japan, Russia, India, and Canada all produced and consumed between 1,000 and 500 billion kilowatt-hours of electricity. Germany, Brazil, France, and Korea hasve lower amounts, ranging from around 500 to 400 billion kilowatt-hours. In general, the ranking of countries for production and consumption of electricity is similar. However, there isare some small differences. For example, France produced slightly more electricity than it consumed, while Brazil consumed a little bit more than it produced. Overall, the bar chart showillustrates that China and the United States were by far the largest producers and consumers of electricity in 2014, with several other large countries also haveing significant amounts, but much lower than the top two countries. Most countries had similar levels of production and use, with only minor variations between the two measures.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively summarizes the main features of the bar chart and makes relevant comparisons, which is a key strength. However, there are critical areas for improvement, particularly in grammatical accuracy and vocabulary variety. The original text contained several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues and awkward constructions, which have been addressed in the corrected version. Additionally, the use of cohesive devices has been improved to enhance the flow of ideas. The structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving phrasing for clarity, and ensuring proper transitions between sentences. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include varying the vocabulary further to avoid repetition and incorporating more sophisticated linking words to enhance cohesion. The tone used in the essay is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining a formal and informative style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally coherent, with a logical flow of ideas. However, the use of cohesive devices could be improved. For instance, transitions between sentences could be smoother, and the structure could be more organized. Using linking words like 'furthermore' or 'in addition' would enhance the cohesion of the text.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The writing contains several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ('Germany, Brazil, France and Korea has lower amounts') and awkward constructions. While the overall meaning is clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on grammatical accuracy and vary sentence structures to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical competence.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is adequate but somewhat repetitive, with terms like 'produced' and 'consumed' appearing frequently. There are also some inaccuracies, such as 'the China' and 'big different'. To improve, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and avoid repetition, perhaps by using synonyms or varying sentence structures.
6.0
Task Achievement
The response addresses the task by summarizing the main features of the bar chart and making relevant comparisons. However, it lacks some clarity and precision in language, such as 'the China' instead of 'China' and 'big different' instead of 'big difference'. To improve, the writer should ensure accurate phrasing and provide more detailed comparisons among the countries.
6.5

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